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Subject: 999 (Nintendo DS)
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3946  Media / Anime, TV, and Movies / Re: Thought this was funny: Movies if made in Japan on: January 12, 2011, 03:42:19 PM
You mean like Ringu and it's ilk?
3947  Media / Single-Player RPGs / Re: Which Final Fantasy Has The Best Story and Why? on: January 12, 2011, 03:15:50 AM
Refresh my memory, it's been some 8 years probably since I played last.

All I remember was the title's ...diminishing fun factor after a few summons were in my inventory.  Mind you, back then I wasn't really "old enough" to want to take on the weapons (something I wouldn't mind doing again).

Basically Shina's all like killin' the planet man and dis'n the shinto spirits and disrespectin' all da elders, tradition, and such for the sake of the monies and dat blingin' Materia. They get into some kind of world war with not Japan while also racin' 2 da spacen' and knock up some bitch and a bunch of bros with alien D.N.A. found up in not Canada for some supra SOLDIERs. Then Doctor Light meets some crazy gypsy whore sellin' him some herbal remedies (bong sold separately) who tells him the spirits of the planet commuuune to her to warn that technology and materia possessions are bad mmkay, and that alien on the rocks that they harvest for THE SCIENCE!!! ended their Space Odyssey back in 2001 and will end theirs as well should she wake up, then tells him while hopped up on da remedies to board her mothership, then Doctor Wily shows up to cap some ass and no man let alone mega shows up to save the day. Then some dirt farmin' nobody decides to join the army only to find out that the war ended due to a bunch of peace-nick hippies protests thus leaving the only honor left to be found on the battlefield was in the latrines which was hardly befitting for a samurai (aside from that one time where his bishie military commander got hooked on phonics then performed some pyrotechnics on some village in the not Swiss alps). Then two Trinoble disasters happen (one next to some generic southern coal mining town and the other in a not South American village next to an Indian reservation). Then the game happens. Then a elderly not native American tiger/Charmander and his two pups stare at the decaying ruins of old not New York shouting at some maniacs about something involving blowing something up or something.

Code:
The stuff that happens in the middle is that a bunch of terrorists go on a jihad against the man until their rebel base on Sector 7G is destroyed by a bunch of AT-ATs and the sky falling, meanwhile one of them meets some crazy gypsy whore fighting the law and decides that the law should lose, then the law won. The last remnants of the jihadists decide to fuck it all and just climb some not very shiny not very golden wire to bring down the man directly. They meet some not native American tiger/Charmander/rapist fucking over that crazy gypsy whore for Dr Wily's amusement and want in on the action but instead they go directly to jail without passing Go or collecting 200 gil. Then they mount a daring escape from which mountain to finally off the man once and for all to find that the man has been offed once and for all by the dirt farming/jihadist's former commander then promptly escape from which mountain again in what is the misleading CGI used in all the TV advertisements of the game. The dirt farming/latrine cleaning punk then decides to bore everyone to tears with his epic tales of feats and heroism (little of which were true), then promptly run afoul of a grizzly murder scene of a huge fucking snake at which point the dirt farming punk quips about 'more than the world' before pausing to put on some shades before continuing with 'being at stake', then The Who starts playing one of their songs while a Chocobo races across a swamp. Then stuff happens until they get on a boat and finally meat the punk's old commander who's now even more hooked on phonics and turns into mutant space alien. Then more stuff happens until the angry black guy gets chewed out by a bunch of southern hillbillies livin' in shanty town and some angry white dude ruins their stay at the Indian reservation casino by making them race chocobos. Then even more stuff happens until they reach a not native American reservation, calm some spirits, admire some scenery, and smoke'em peace pipe with the tribe's shaman/not native American tiger/Charmander's grandpappy (note: his human daughter gave physical birth to the tiger/Charmander) and learn that the planet's dyin' man. Then they get utterly confused by the inconsistencies between punk's likely story and the town itself and its current residence of a bunch of alien possessed cultists and their leader/punk's new former commander who throws them a chunk of materia bling. Then they meet an abusive, wife-beating, sailor/starship captain/only DMV certified driver on the planet and one of the man's men gets hit by a truck out of fucking nowhere. Then the dirt farming punk and the angry black dude ride a gondola and perform in a play together. Then all the party's materia possessions get repossessed by some Narutard chick who in turn gets repossessed by a fat bastard. Then they go tomb raiding and the walkie talkie doll becomes a real boy before getting crushed like a ford pinto in a trash compactor. Then the punk flips out on alien D.N.A. and hands the world destroying macguffin to his former commander. Then the crazy gypsy whore goes off on a plan that cannot possibly fail, the punk nearly flips out on alien D.N.A. again and wusses out on ridding the world of another dirty hippie forcing his commander to cleanup yet another of his messes. Then they promptly fight another mutant space alien. Then its time to change disks. Then they go up a mountain. Then they meet a bunch of cultists going to sleep in their purple blankets in a crater. Then they meet the punk's new new former commander who hands the world destroying macguffin to the original punk's commander who's gellin'. Then titty mctits wakes up and gets into a cat fight on top of a huge phallic metaphor. Then they find the punk doped on hope. Then fetch questin' for ultimate powa' starring abusive, wife-beating, sailor. Then titty mctits goes cosmosphere diving into the doped up punk when Godzilla comes to town. Then they learn that the crazy gypsy whore used her wicca magic to counter the alien D.N.A. possessed former commander of the punk. Then they fight Mecha Godzilla. Then they return to which mountain paratrooper style to fight it out with the surviving men of the man and Dr Wily (who took over when Mecha Godzilla shot up which mountain and killing the rich white boy who took over when the man got his shawshank redemption as it were). Then the Hindenburg gets an upgrade and its time to change disks again. Then chocobo breeding. Then chocobo racing. Then more chocobo breeding. Then more chocobo racing. Then even more chocobo racing. Then moseying into battle with the alien queen and her solar system destroying son. Then CGIs of everybody getting fucked over by both the former commander's witchcraft and the crazy gypsy whore's wiccacraft until the planet gets up off its lazy ass and saves itself.

/FFVII synopsis

Man, what a waste. Nobody in their right mind is going to read all of this shit.
3948  The Rest / General Discussions / Re: The "N" Word on: January 10, 2011, 10:55:13 PM

I take it that your sarcasm detector must be broken.

And this quote chain has produced some irony as well.
3949  The Rest / General Discussions / Re: The "N" Word on: January 09, 2011, 01:56:08 PM
My problem with this is why their wasting their time on their current vision quest instead of going after a more menacing word like lame. I'm pretty sure that word is corrupting our children and making them into insensitive ignorant racist bigots who belittle crippled individuals with every use of the word. Plus it's not like people should read all of those books that resort to the using such crass and unrefined dialog until its fixed. Yep, all of those countless books that use the word lame because we've been writing about that poor repressed demographic since the first one of those lame people was encountered by western civilization.

Of course, it's far more likely that they'll go after the word dick first, and welp, now suddenly well over half of the RPGFan site and everyone on it is considered insensitive ignorant racist bigots.
3950  The Rest / General Discussions / Re: Random and Amazing Pictures, Please! on: January 08, 2011, 08:19:29 PM
It's from Japan. What else could it be.
3951  Media / Single-Player RPGs / Re: something that may be of interest to SRW fans on: January 07, 2011, 10:21:37 AM
I wish I could get excited since like 4 of these series are ones I've wanted to see, but I find that the only SRW games I play any more are the hand-held ones. If I have time to actually sit down and play a console game I have a gigantic backlog to catch up on and SRW isn't anywhere near the top of that pile.

But, hm, GL, Code Geass, 00, E7, and (finally) VOTOMs...might have to play this one. Z pretty much perfected the squad system, so hopefully they can deliver that quality here.

Unfortunately they don't seem to be using the squad system from Z in this one. Don't know what if anything they're going to be replacing it with.

Fortunately (or much more likely unfortunately) this one's going straight to the PSP so you may find yourself playing this one after all.
3952  Media / Single-Player RPGs / Re: Import Friendly Japanese Games on: January 07, 2011, 10:07:43 AM
If you've ever played an SRW game then you already know everything you need to know about Queen's Blade PSP as it's basically SRW but with giant tits in place of giant robots.

Add Queen's Gate to that once it comes out.
3953  The Rest / General Discussions / Re: The Avatar Topic on: January 06, 2011, 03:20:38 PM
Bishonen Jesus?

Zounds.

Question? Is Zounds pronounced like its spelled (X+Sounds), or is it pronounced as Zoonds (X+Wounds)?

[/Off-topic]


My avie is Dark Lord from Sword of Mana. My title and sig reference the fact that the game tries at the last second to paint him up as a sympathetic villain who was badly misunderstood despite the fact that he's pretty much living up to his namesake right up until that point with no evidence supporting the contrary (aside from the fact that he is a maldova or some shit which makes him evil by default). Of course they use this same excuse for every major boss not named Julius (including Mr. Lee, Medusa, and her son).

They also made the main character a prince for no loving reason, Willie gets to live, and the Mana Sword (like in every iteration since SD3) was reduced to a mere plot device used to fuel the cast's power of friendship (I don't even think they kept the environmental PSA from the original either) in a cutscene leaving you to take down Julius with your Crystal Sickle. The tl;dr is that Squeenix did a lot of stupid shit to Sword of Mana and the plot was not exempt from this.
3954  The Rest / General Discussions / Re: Super RPGFan Game Journal IV - The New Warriors: The Revenge The Movie The Game on: January 06, 2011, 02:53:10 PM
DQIX: Welp, this week just saved me 75k in gold. Didn't get the Vesta Gauntlets, the Seed of Skill, or any of the other cool stuffs (much like last week), but at least I'm three reasonably priced Chronocrystals further along.
3955  Media / Single-Player RPGs / Re: something that may be of interest to SRW fans on: January 05, 2011, 06:19:26 PM
You want something that would actually interest SRW fans?

http://www.siliconera.com/2011/01/04/super-robot-taisen-z-sequel-adds-eureka-seven-gurren-lagann-and-votoms/

And it's been confirmed by the man himself.
3956  Media / Single-Player RPGs / Re: Recettear has sold over 100,000+ copies, Chantelise coming this year. on: January 05, 2011, 06:12:04 PM
-Bullet hell shmups
-All the characters are female


Not necessarily in that order.

They are genuinely fun games though, and have great music. Beautiful bullet patterns, too.

Additionally, there's a lack of canon personalities to the point where running in-jokes have become the personalities of most of the cast.

It also helps that the creator has pretty much given the fandom creative control over most aspects outside of the main game series.
3957  Media / Single-Player RPGs / Re: Which Final Fantasy Has The Best Story and Why? on: January 05, 2011, 06:01:09 PM
I'll admit, I liked FFT's plot the most. Fantasy retelling of the War of the Roses that gets derailed into save the world JRPGness was at least half good and they didn't really mishandle the JRPG part too much either.
3958  The Rest / General Discussions / Re: Super RPGFan Game Journal IV - The New Warriors: The Revenge The Movie The Game on: January 05, 2011, 05:53:55 PM
FF15 will be played on a hologram table like this:



In that case, let the wookie win by not playing it.

Anyways, picked up Pokemon Pearl again. Caught a new pokemon (really need to trade or get my hands on a GBA Pokegame as I'm almost out of field catches and level grinding is boring).
3959  The Rest / General Discussions / Re: Oh God! I burned my noodles! on: January 05, 2011, 05:48:53 PM
Space docking is brutal too...

I thought that was called a Manhattan transfer. Must be an East Coast thing.

Wait. I thought that the Manhattan transfer was what a Rusty Venture really was. Or at least along those lines.
3960  Media / Single-Player RPGs / Re: Devil Survivor Overclock announced for 3DS (Remake of DS with added stuff) on: January 05, 2011, 04:37:22 PM
Partly, this makes me glad that I've held off on getting Devil Survivor up til now (and why I didn't think of getting it earlier today is still beyond me but whatever). Partly, this feels like a FES update at best (which doesn't matter since I don't have the original version to begin with). And partly, due to the way that Nintendo handhelds work, it may be awhile before I pick this up by virtue of holding out for the 3DSLite or whatever it'll be called.
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