However, I am paying my money to very much still enjoy a real videogame here, that will last 40+ hours, with stats, battle systems, grinding, and such. Its just there is the added value of a wacky plot, bawdy humor, and some enjoyable artwork to this guy's eyes.
You speak as if eroge cannot have those.
Go play Kamidori Alchemy Meister, it's a great Tactical RPG and
an eroge that possesses everything you mentioned.