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Author Topic: What's the haps?  (Read 924082 times)
MeshGearFox
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HERE ON RUM ISLAND WE DO NOT BELIEVE IN RUM!

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« Reply #14625 on: May 25, 2015, 08:24:34 AM »

I probably wouldn't have kids in the first place and just end up adopting a bunch of idk border collies or something. Although even then I'm not sure I'd have the /mental clarity/ to take care of dogs.

... I need to go get an SNES AC adaptor so I can see if that copy of Romancing SaGa 2 I imported from Kentucky works.
« Last Edit: May 25, 2015, 09:46:36 AM by MeshGearFox » Logged

o/` I do not feel joy o/`
o/` I do not dream o/`
o/` I only stare at the door and smoke o/`

glassjawsh
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« Reply #14626 on: May 25, 2015, 02:06:20 PM »

Ok, so here's the story.  There is a family in West Lafayette, Indiana (we'll call them the Smith's, because that's their name) who had 4 sons.  The first of whom was completely healthy and grew up without any sort of complications.  The last 3 tragically died of Niemann-Pick disease at a very young age.  Purdue, which is also in West Lafayette, helped the family start a charity that has raised a great deal of money for research into the disease. My issue came up when I found out that NP is a hereditary disorder that's passed on when two parents have the recessive trait for it.  Now everyone remember your Punnett square's from High School biology.  If both parents are carriers that means that there is a 25% chance of passing the disease on to any child the two have together.  Most children are diagnosed with NP as toddlers, so that means that it is very likely the parents didn't know they were carriers when their 2nd child was diagnosed and it is also not beyond the realm of possibility that they already had a 3rd child either present or on the way when they first found out about the problem with their genetics.  Those kids' situation are horrible and I empathize completely with the Smith's over their loss. Rough stuff to think about, honestly.  The issue I have is with their choice to have a 4th child.  They MUST have known there was an abnormally high risk of him getting sick.  So why do it?  I found myself forcing my brain to feel sympathy (for the parents) when they were basically playing russian roulette with another human being's life.  The juxtaposition of the tragedy of the death of a child against my inner outrage at what seems to me to be the parent's selfish desire to produce more offspring at any cost has created somewhat of a moral paradox

I have a friend who was adopted (along with his sister) by a couple with strong tendencies towards contracting Huntington's disease. If you don't know about it, it's horrific and basically means that a person is doomed to dementia by the time they are 50.  My friends parent's were proactive about it and decided to make alternative arrangements to ensure that their children would be safe.   That sort of thing seems reasonable to me. 

ANYHOW, this topic escalated on another forum to the point that my bewilderment over the last child was getting flamed with 3 template responses A) you're a piece of shit who doesn't have children so you wouldn't understand 2) JESUS!!!! Praise his name from on high!! and D) I'm going to come to your house and burn it to the ground, you piece of shit.  I was just getting threatened without any sort of constructive input from the other side.  So it would be nice to hear a different perspective that might clear things up.

Or not.  But I feel like the people on these boards are far more insightful (And definitely better behaved) than 99% of the internet so it might at least be worth it to ask.
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Agent D.
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« Reply #14627 on: May 25, 2015, 03:09:29 PM »

In the case you mention, I can see it both ways. Adoption is a good alternative but in some twisted logical sense, it's not "YOUR" child, so some people get thrown by that. Also, though rare, the adopted child could harbor resentment later in life as an unwanted baby, that can't be easily rectified if at all, so some people are scared by the idea of adoption. Your case here, however, is exactly what I expected. I can neither condemn nor praise their persistence. They are basically gambling with human life, and 25% is a pretty strong chance. However, if you look at it (YOU DON'T HAVE TO AGREE BY ANY MEANS) like this, it's more exposure on a medical level to the disease and ways to treat it. Their one extra baby with the disease could be the one with right genetic combination that advances treatement to tolerable levels. I'm not saying they're just bred guinea pigs, but these medicines only come out of necessity. Call it morbid, but it's just a view I read once, not one I personally agree with entirely.

Personally, I feel that this family in question isn't doing anything horrible to anyone but themselves. The heartbreak each time finding out they just had a time bomb of a baby must be terrible. I do believe that denying an adoption in favor of having your own child is your (the family in question) choice, but it's your burden alone to bear when said situation arises. It's a terribly hard choice any way you slice it.

On a side note, regarding adoption, how do you all feel about the fact that it's so hard for gay couples to adopt kids in the states?
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Dincrest
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« Reply #14628 on: May 25, 2015, 04:06:41 PM »

Adoption in the US is just a painful, grinding, mind-numbing, draining process for anyone, period.  I've known several family and friends who adopted, mainly because they simply couldn't conceive no matter what fertility treatment options they tried.  But the adoption process itself... they describe it like being run through a giant cheese grater then having 27 tons of salt being dumped on those wounds.  And these are people who would make damn near perfect parents.  The kinds of families that adoption agencies dream of.  It's gotta be a million times more painful when you get into adopting from foreign countries- like a lot of Indian families want to adopt Indian children and the amount of bureaucratic red tape in India is inconceivably more twisted than 300,000 tornadoes partying in tornado alley on a Friday night.  

My one friend who has to deal with people people sometimes saying, "couldn't you have one of your own?" or somesuch would just look at her kid, look at that person and say "I already do" very matter-of-factly.  

« Last Edit: May 25, 2015, 06:14:59 PM by Dincrest » Logged

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MeshGearFox
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HERE ON RUM ISLAND WE DO NOT BELIEVE IN RUM!

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« Reply #14629 on: May 25, 2015, 09:06:43 PM »

Reiterating previous sentiments about not really having any sex drive/romance drive, so kids the traditional way isn't really a thing on the table anyway and even then I find prolonged contact with other people really draining.

... Anyone else ever feel like an adult teenager?

Also I was reading wikipedia article on Yooper dialect and saw:

"Towards" is favored over "toward". The former is usually favored in British English while the latter is favored in American English.

^- was not aware that "toward" was even a word.
« Last Edit: May 25, 2015, 09:37:47 PM by MeshGearFox » Logged

o/` I do not feel joy o/`
o/` I do not dream o/`
o/` I only stare at the door and smoke o/`

natros
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« Reply #14630 on: Today at 10:10:18 AM »

To chime in on what glass has brought up, we used to live in the same building with an Hispanic family (multi-unit condos) that has a similar issue. They lost their first born to bone marrow deficiency. They tried again and had a perfectly healthy child. They then tried again and ended up with a kid with some sort of obvious learning/behavioral disability. So for whatever reason, they decided to have a 3rd, and this poor little child has a severe marrow deficiency. She's over 5 years old, and is only 2 feet tall. Cannot walk on her own. Has to be hooked up to an oxygen machine most of the time... etc. She can speak though, and is actually pretty funny. Anyway, like glass, I questioned why they would keep having children. Granted, they may not have known (or realized) that they were prone to bear sick children, but I figure, if you lose your first born and your second (of the survivors) isn't developing normally, why would you do it again? It's kind of cruel to play with life like that. Like D said though, they're really hurting themselves more than anyone... It's a terrible freakin' shame, but it's not a crime.

On a side note, regarding adoption, how do you all feel about the fact that it's so hard for gay couples to adopt kids in the states?

I don't know any specific details, but obviously, it shouldn't be any more difficult for gay couples to adopt than anyone else. Just like any group that's been persecuted, it's the fear and narrow mindedness of the opposing masses that's holding it all back. If people would stop having so many unfounded reservations about shit, it'd be all good.
That would be closer to a perfect world, though. Which we all know, is impossible. At least as far as humanity is concerned.
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