George Takei would be ashamed.
This giant does his best impression of Gandalf.
Eusis gets a bunch of new weapons that cut things really well. He spends hours putting his swords into squishy goblins. Agent D tries to lift up one of the swords but years of
playing video games and eating Fritos
learning black magic and eating Sun Chips has made his arms too gelatin-like to hold up all but the most useless of weaponry.
I'm getting a bit worried. The party got their ass owned by Garland, Astos, and My Little Ponies, and this guy is claiming no mere mortals shall beat him. Parn calls him "Commander Sparkly of the Twilight Brigade." The vampire is unamused.
Yeah, if Agent D could kill it, I'm fairly certain its claims of invincibility were greatly exaggerated.
And the vampire has no use for this star ruby anymore, so yoink!
I don't remember Gandalf being quite so easy to bribe.
Parn is slightly leery about having to go down to that stupid ass cave a second time.
The rod does not work. Infuriated, Parn throws it on the floor. The rod cracks the floor open, revealing conveniently placed stairs.
Just how tough can this fucker be if his minion died of acute Agent D syndrome?
DAMMIT AGENT D.
Okay, Lich is obviously fucking with us now.
Clearly we did not think this through.
The party revels in their hard-earned victory.
Eusis has a full collection of Mythril gear now. Agent D's attempts to wear it results in a hernia.
Who the fuck goes to sleep next to FUCKING GRAVESTONES
The team thinks kayaking into a volcano sounds like a fun activity. I would have preferred knitting.
Maybe we should avoid the lava? Sounds like a reasonable and cautious method of navigation.
"FUCK THAT SHIT" says Eusis. He proceeds to make everyone step on EVERY TILE OF LAVA. Dice complains about her flip flops being ruined. Women and their shoes, amirite? Seriously though, Eusis is an asshole.
An asshole with enough presence of mind to know that using the Ice Weapon in the Fire Dungeon is probably a good idea.
AHA! Marilith! We meet at last! COME AND FACE YO--
This happens probably more often than I think is humanly necessary.
This does not help.
In retrospect, it was probably a mistake to buy Hi Potions when we know Dice is on the team.
The team ekes out a victory. Agent D got his eyes poked out by Marilith's swords though.
I had 99 of those before I fought Marilith. Guess where they all went?
Our heroes go to the Citadel of Trials, where an old man tells us we are worthy to undergo the harrowing trials that will help us obtain the ultimate treasure.
After a horrific ordeal involving teleporters that give you much motion sickness, the team arrives at the top and finds the ultimate treasure. It has obviously been sitting in the treasure box for some time, waiting for the chosen ones to find it. When the chest is opened, a dead and rotting stench fills the room. Agent D freezes his nose. Dice upchucks the last three days' worth of drugs. Eusis is considering homicide as a very real possibility in his near future. Parn wonders why they didn't just find a rat at the fucking refugee camp they visited earlier.
Time for the Ice Cavern! The party has convinced Agent D that sometimes spellcasting is good! They do this by showing him the video where cookie monster says cookie is a sometimes food and eats some vegetables.
Hahaha someone needs to explain to the black mage how the elemental magic works god help me
After dropping through some cracks on the ground because the party consists of a guy wearing heavy armor, a muscly guy, a porker, and a drug/sweet stuff addict, they happen to drop (quite literally) upon a levistone.
Eusis convinces everyone they need to go to a desert. So they do.
It is amazing that this thing still works after centuries of being buried under tons of sand.
What the dragon doesn't know is that Eusis has botoxed his face into an expressionless mask. Inside, in his heart of hearts, he frowns. He cries. He fears
Wait, seriously? I'm willing to bet that Bahamut just takes the rat tail for some gruesome culinary practice. Bahamut's a sick son of a bitch.
FUCK YEAH CLASS UPGRADE!
Eusis becomes a Power Ranger.
Parn becomes a... well...
Dice removes her hood and lets her hair out.
Agent D turns into a guy with shitty fashion sense... so no change, really.
THe party thanks the dragons for this newfound power by stealing all their shit. Dice is ecstatic about the X-Potions and donuts we found.
What was THAT all about?
So anyway, the class changes do more than change their appearance. The team is now MORE POWERFUL.
Eusis can now cast white magic up to level 3
Dice and Agent D both get access to more spells and MP.
Parn gets nothing. This is either because he is already too awesome to be upgraded, or his class is bad and he should feel bad. I'll let you decide on this one.
Note also that Parn has LESS HP than everyone else, including the two mages. For shame.
Agent D is all too happy to take this lady up on her offer.
The team heads to Waterfall Cavern now where they proceed to
Yeah, get stoned out of their minds.