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Author Topic: The Thread of Laughter and Delight  (Read 6975 times)
Dice
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« Reply #15 on: March 14, 2007, 02:24:40 PM »

What does a blind, deaf and dumb kid get for Christmas?
Code:
Cancer
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everluck
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stay positive!

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« Reply #16 on: March 14, 2007, 03:05:42 PM »

You messed that one up, Dice!!!!!!!

edit:
NVM you fixed it.
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Dice
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« Reply #17 on: March 14, 2007, 04:58:03 PM »

Dammit!  The "f" is right beside the "d"... =(
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Galactic
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« Reply #18 on: March 15, 2007, 12:27:55 AM »

What's black and blue and hates sex?

A rape victim.

^_-;
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Too Galactic for you.

^_-;
Daggerstrike
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« Reply #19 on: March 15, 2007, 02:12:10 AM »

Quote from: "Galactic"
What's black and blue and hates sex?

A rape victim.

^_-;


I would fucking rather see baby jokes than this shit. Fuck you.
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All right, we are going to use a fan brush here and uh why don't you take some hunter green and we are going to put a happy little bush right down over here in the corner there and that'll just be our little secret and if you tell anyone that that bush is there I will come to your house and I will cut you.
Dave
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« Reply #20 on: March 15, 2007, 03:50:00 AM »

To be fair, I set the bar pretty low with the broken fingers joke.

Anyway...

How many men does it take to mop a floor?
None, that's the woman's job!

How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
Go tell that bitch to mop in the dark!

and now, a longer one.


A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads...

"Dear Wife,
I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary."

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows...

"Dear Husband,
I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy. AND, you, being an accountant, will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18."
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Takezo
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« Reply #21 on: March 15, 2007, 01:12:49 PM »

Typing from memory

So this black guy walks into a job finding agency/firm or whatever the fuck. He sits down with the interviewer and states that he'd like to start working!
She replies: Really? Well I've just got the best thing for you. You'd have to work as a pool boy in the mansion of this billionaire playboy. He throws lavish parties but hardly ever attends them as he is forever on holiday and has three nymphomaniac daughters. The black guy is ecstatic! He's like: "this job, for me? you've got to be bullshittting!" to which she replies: "you started when you came in here!"
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Dincrest
Onoda
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« Reply #22 on: March 16, 2007, 10:27:34 PM »

Filthy jokes from yours truly.  Coded since they're rather filthy.  All from various sources.  Here's the cleanest one:

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb
(extra points if you can tell me what movie that's from.)

The dirtier ones:  
Code:

What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?
You can eat your mom's apple pie

A lady walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'd like a beer, please."
Bartender asks, "sure, Anheuser Busch?"
Lady replies, "fine, and how's your cock?"

Why do Ethiopians give the best blowjobs?
You know they'll drink every last drop

So this guy's sinking in quicksand.  Some dude walks by and the guy yells "help help save me!"  The dude says, "sure I'll save you, but you have to suck my dick."  The guy's like, "ehhh, forget it."  He's still sinking in quicksand when some bloke walks by.  The guy yells "help help save me!"  The bloke says, "sure I'll save you, but you have to fuck me in the ass."  The guy's like, "ehhh, no way."  So this chap walks by and the guy yells, "help help save me!  I'll suck your dick!  I'll fuck you in the ass!"  And the chap says, "you can just die, you faggot!"  


And some Michael Jackson jokes for good measure:

What school did MJ attend?
Brigham Young

What is a McJackson?
35 year old meat between 10 year old buns.
---

Oh, and did any of you hear the one about the girl who gave up her virginity for lent?
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"Immortality is a manga artist without deadlines.  Without deadlines, the manga artist will never get the job done."
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Takezo
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« Reply #23 on: March 16, 2007, 10:40:13 PM »

....... and my virtuous image of Dezo has just been toppled. Good werk. ;p
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Dincrest
Onoda
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« Reply #24 on: March 16, 2007, 10:41:42 PM »

Oh, my virtuous image went out the window a few years back when I started that infamous masturbation thread.

EDIT:  And I'll just throw the "expert fishermen are master baiters" thing out there before anyone else putridly puns it off my post.

EDIT 2:  Oh, and here's something amusing (and not vulgar) that I found in the WordsOfWisdom section of bassist Victor Wooten's website.

Lipstick Kisses
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently
was faced with a unique problem.

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put
it on in the bathroom.

That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their
lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the
maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a
major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then, there are educators...
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"Immortality is a manga artist without deadlines.  Without deadlines, the manga artist will never get the job done."
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Azrael
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« Reply #25 on: March 18, 2007, 09:36:50 PM »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_NQCTbvRnM

You've seen Afro Ninja...you may not have seen...the other "ninjas"

For added fun,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdHpYMR4ljY

Tyra Banks is batshit fucking loco.
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Logick
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« Reply #26 on: March 19, 2007, 03:33:09 PM »

Death star attack is an inside job:
http://www.websurdity.com/2007/02/28/uncomfortable-questions-was-the-death-star-attack-an-inside-job/

So in this pharmacy in the wild west was visited by Indians, they walk up tot he pharmecist and say "Big Chief No Shit", the pharmacist gives them a medicine.  The next day, they come in and say "Big Chief No Shit", so he gives them a stronger medicine.  The next day the same thing, so he gives them the strongest medicine he can.  The following day he sees them outside looking sad and they approach him and say "Big Shit No Chief".

Why did MJ go to Wal Mart?
He heard little boy's pants were half off.

now onto the tasteless jokes(with apologies to anyone offended)
Code:

What has six legs and says "ho de do ho de do!"?
3 black people running towards a closing elevator.

What do you get when you cross a black person with a mexican?
A baby too lazy to steal.

Why did god create White people?
Someone has to buy at retail price.

How do you know if an Asian gang raided your house?
You find your dog eaten and your kid's math homework complete.

What do you call the phone company in Mexico?
Taco Bell.

One day Jesus was walking through heaven and he sees an old man crying.  Jesus goes up to many and comforts him and asks him why he was crying.  the old man says "you see I was a carpenter, and I never had a son, but one day god blessed me with a boy I could raise like a son".  Jesus began to tear up and say "father?" and the man looked up in joy and said "Pinocchio?".

And guys I would love more Arab jokes, all the good ones i know are in arabic or are generic.
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"If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing."
~Malcolm X
Azrael
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« Reply #27 on: March 19, 2007, 07:02:54 PM »

http://www.winterrowd.com/maze/

It's very fun...
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D-Rider
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Solitary One

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« Reply #28 on: March 19, 2007, 07:23:30 PM »

Quote from: "Azrael"


When the ads say Scary Pop Up Maze, it kinda blows the surprise. :P
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Azrael
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« Reply #29 on: March 19, 2007, 09:28:49 PM »

DAMN THOSE ADS!!!
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