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Author Topic: Work Stories  (Read 5691 times)
Shiguma
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« on: October 14, 2007, 08:40:05 PM »

So, I'm grading midterm examinations at my "high level" school, and there is a question that says, "Sometimes war is necessary to bring peace to a country."  The students are asked to express their opinion, in English, on this topic.  One girl writes:

"I think war is sometimes necessary to bring peace to a country.  In the world today, many countries (such as South Korea) despise Japan.  If Japan strengthens its military power and conquers South Korea, they will respect us more."

...I blinked a few times and checked if her family name was "Tojo" or not. :P    Good lord, Toyama is so ultra-conservative it's not even funny.

Anyone else have any entertaining stories from work?
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Dice
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« Reply #1 on: October 14, 2007, 10:51:40 PM »

I have lots of stories,...sadly this is the only one I can remember right now.

 I get a prank call and this one decides to start singing for some reason.  I put them on speaker phone, and they sang to the store.  They take a break and giggle a bit with their friends, and I say "Ha-ha, keep singing you're on speaker".  The girl on the other end replies with an "o shit" and hangs up.
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« Reply #2 on: October 14, 2007, 11:15:00 PM »

I work part-time at a fast food restaraunt and the other day I was on my lunch break. My friend who was working at the time walks by a table and this lady says something to him and he laughs and says something back.

Later when the people leave I asked him if he knew them. He said no, he just walked by and the lady told him "I don't don't mean to be critical, but that guy over there (me) was scratching his head." When he told me that I laughed. Still it kind of annoyed me though... First of all it was my break. Second I always wash my hands after doing almost anything. If she had watched me work for more than a few minutes she would have known that.
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Vanguard
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« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2007, 07:48:26 AM »

I work as a cook in a kitchen on the weekends. One day this kid called into work and said he was too sick to come in. The managers found somebody else to cover the shift and told him it wasn't a problem. For some reason, he still shows up at 4PM, on schedule and drunk. I don't mean a couple beers feeling good drunk, I mean, smells like he drank a bottle of whiskey on the way over and he's falling down drunk. The other line cooks notice this and after contaminating a bunch of the food (he kept spilling meat and cheese into the veggies on the line) they just said, "You're not even supposed to be here anyway, so just go home." He walks off the line and that's the end of it. Or so they think. Two hours later they go out back and notice he's passed out and sleeping ON the break table. Apparently, he didn 't even clock out. They woke him up and kicked him out, but didn't fire him.

A few weeks later this kid doesn't call and doesn't show for a shift. However, they get a call from another restaurant asking for a reccomendation for him and tell our managers that he's sitting in their office in the middle of a job interview. After that, they canned him.
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Daggerstrike
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« Reply #4 on: October 15, 2007, 07:58:47 AM »

I was working one day and this guy came in looking for a particular ink cartridge that we don't carry. I told him that we didn't carry it, but often my mouth moves faster than my brain and I told him we don't have "those ones", which I know to be grammatically incorrect, even if it is said often enough in the area where I live. This guy then proceeds to go off on me and tell me that it was incorrect and tell me that I should be working in sanitation so I wouldn't have to talk to people and they wouldn't be forced to listen to me talk. He continued to berate me for a few minutes about how I am unable to speak english and I shouldn't be dealing with the public. During all this I was getting more pissed off so finally I just told him "This right here is my caring face. I don't come to work to get tutored in English" and then walked away. He called our complaint line and complained about me.
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« Reply #5 on: October 15, 2007, 08:04:03 AM »

I work in a pet shop, and therefore quite a lot of stupid questions. My favourite at the moment is: (Lady looks at the goldfish) 'Excuse me, do you sell jellyfish?'

Also, you might be aware that male rats have quite obvious genitalia. Aside from the fairly frequent screams of shock, I once had a lady screaming at me that one our rats had a tumour. I went over, had a look, then politely informed her, 'No, it's a boy.'
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D-Rider
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« Reply #6 on: October 15, 2007, 08:08:07 AM »

I could sit here for days and type insane work stories. :P

The most recent happened only a few months ago, when I was helping out at my cousin's furniture rental business.  I was out delivering a couch, and when I got to the address, there was an ancient black man standing outside naked,  taking a piss right in his front yard for all the world to see.

Unfortunately, that's not too odd in that line of work.  What makes this so unique is that his dick was massive.  You might be saying, "Why were you looking that hard?", but you couldn't help it.  Everywhere I glanced, there was dick.  As long and thick as my forearm, I swear to God.  My first thought was "Damn, that is one strange looking water hoseohmyfuckinggod."

The best part is that when we pulled in the driveway, he took one hand off the beast (two handed grip), waved, and gave us a big toothless grin.  Not a tooth in his whole fucking head. :P
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Professor Gast
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« Reply #7 on: October 15, 2007, 09:11:13 AM »

Quote from: "Shiguma"
"I think war is sometimes necessary to bring peace to a country.  In the world today, many countries (such as South Korea) despise Japan.  If Japan strengthens its military power and conquers South Korea, they will respect us more."

...I blinked a few times and checked if her family name was "Tojo" or not. :P    Good lord, Toyama is so ultra-conservative it's not even funny.


Yay, let's resurrect the Great Empire of Japan and see who squashes Japan faster this time around, the US armed forces or the People's Liberation Army :P.

If you have a library nearby, make sure to check out any book written by Nakagawa Yatsuhiro (中川八洋), Ryan. He could be the girl's father.

Sadly I can't offer any entertaining stories from work, because I don't work right now and instead am totally focused on my research.
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Tooker
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« Reply #8 on: October 15, 2007, 09:16:12 AM »

OK, D-Rider and Degolas' stories cracked me up.  I wish I had funny work stories, but it's more frequent that we will laugh at something you'd only get if you worked with one specific piece of software and then say "oh, we're such losers for laughing at that.  It's not even funny..."
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Losfer
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« Reply #9 on: October 15, 2007, 11:39:06 AM »

A couple years ago working for Cingular I got a call from a customer.  She had me on the phone for an hour and 45 minutes telling me all sorts of tales, including how she was a parapalegic, she was the escort for all the black men in the building, how someone broke in her house just to shit in her bath tub...

But the best part was when she told me that she had just gone to the salon where they /punched her in the face and threw her down the stairs/.

Then while I was in England and working for bank collections at Barclays, I had this insane Indian woman threatening me that her God was vengeful and looks after his followers.  I told her not to threaten me with religious beliefs and she told me that karma would get me in the end.

Back at Cingular, I had an Arabian tell me he was going to destroy me.  Yes, using those words.

A military type from Virginia told me that he would get the US Army to come to my "headquarters" and demand he get his (laffo) ten dollar credit back on his account.

One time at BT in Manchester, my boss and one of my employees were talking about indie and pop rock.  He asked me what I listen to and I informed him, "You know, Carcass, Impaled -- Gore Grind."  He then said: "Richard, I apologize for bringing you into this conversation."

Current job is boring though.  I'm (THANKFULLY) almost never on the phone.  Which is apparently where all the good stories come from.

Haha, thrown down the stairs.
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Tomara
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« Reply #10 on: October 15, 2007, 02:17:37 PM »

Quote from: "Degolas"
I work in a pet shop, and therefore quite a lot of stupid questions. My favourite at the moment is: (Lady looks at the goldfish) 'Excuse me, do you sell jellyfish?'

Also, you might be aware that male rats have quite obvious genitalia. Aside from the fairly frequent screams of shock, I once had a lady screaming at me that one our rats had a tumour. I went over, had a look, then politely informed her, 'No, it's a boy.'


I worked at a petstore once. Worst job ever. The first day they had me clean all the fishtanks, including one with piranhas. These fish were very small and completely harmless, so I could stick my hands in the water, I didn't even wear gloves, because the owner didn't want to buy any. The customers kept asking me what I was doing and I always replied: "Oh, just cleaning the piranha tank."

The job gave me nightmares though. It was not thanks to the spiders, the gigantic dog with prominent teeth, the lizards or whatever no, it was because of the dead fish. While cleaning the filters I found several decaying fish and since I didn't have any gloves, I had to remove them with my bare hands. I had tried using a plastic bag, chop sticks etc, but that didn't work... Those dead fish still haunt my dreams...

What else...? The owner always had me do the dirty work and I didn't even get paid for it. Yay for internship. It wasn't all that bad though, at least one of the turtles thought he (she?) was worse off. It was suicidal, it always ended up on its back and if we hadn't turned it upright again every time, it would have died a long time ago.
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« Reply #11 on: October 15, 2007, 02:51:55 PM »

Back when I was in High School, I worked part time at a comic book store.  Whenever someone wanted to sell comics, I was called in to appraise them.  So one day this lady and her daughter came in with all these silver age comics(silver age meaning mid 60's to late 70's), stuff like Superman, Spiderman, XMen, etc.  all squeaky clean stuff.  I took three hours to appraise it and got it down to about $200, when the owner asked her how she wanted the money, she said "we don't want to sell them actually we just want to burn them in our next church youth meeting".  The owner's jaws dropped and became pissed, since he thought she was going to sell them and how I cost him money to appraise and so forth.  She ranted about how these comics promote Satanism, Murder, single parents, liberalism, etc. etc. etc. and she needed to prove a point, she then walked out with her soon pile of ashes and didn't pay us for appraisal at least.
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Degolas
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« Reply #12 on: October 15, 2007, 07:27:52 PM »

Quote from: "Tomara"
Quote from: "Degolas"
I work in a pet shop, and therefore quite a lot of stupid questions. My favourite at the moment is: (Lady looks at the goldfish) 'Excuse me, do you sell jellyfish?'

Also, you might be aware that male rats have quite obvious genitalia. Aside from the fairly frequent screams of shock, I once had a lady screaming at me that one our rats had a tumour. I went over, had a look, then politely informed her, 'No, it's a boy.'


I worked at a petstore once. Worst job ever. The first day they had me clean all the fishtanks, including one with piranhas. These fish were very small and completely harmless, so I could stick my hands in the water, I didn't even wear gloves, because the owner didn't want to buy any. The customers kept asking me what I was doing and I always replied: "Oh, just cleaning the piranha tank."

The job gave me nightmares though. It was not thanks to the spiders, the gigantic dog with prominent teeth, the lizards or whatever no, it was because of the dead fish. While cleaning the filters I found several decaying fish and since I didn't have any gloves, I had to remove them with my bare hands. I had tried using a plastic bag, chop sticks etc, but that didn't work... Those dead fish still haunt my dreams...

What else...? The owner always had me do the dirty work and I didn't even get paid for it. Yay for internship. It wasn't all that bad though, at least one of the turtles thought he (she?) was worse off. It was suicidal, it always ended up on its back and if we hadn't turned it upright again every time, it would have died a long time ago.


Your pet shop sounds a lot more exotic than mine! Unfortunately we don't have reptiles or spiders or anything. I wish we did.

The dead fish really don't bother me, to be honest. I touch them all the time with by bare hands and it really doesn't bother me. Customers bring in dead ones all the time and ask me to check them over to see if they died of a disease or anything. They are quite slimey, but otherwise fine!
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« Reply #13 on: October 15, 2007, 10:43:52 PM »

Quote from: "Losfer"
He then said: "Richard, I apologize for bringing you into this conversation."


That's either the greatest answer ever or the worst.
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« Reply #14 on: October 15, 2007, 11:41:39 PM »

I'm a server at a restaurant. There are two stories I can think of immediately: the first happened a few months ago. There was this weird family that came in. I was the only server that evening, so I had to take them. There was a mom, who was laughing hysterically as soon as she walked in the door, a dad who was wearing a tattered old shirt and a denim vest, and two little girls, probably in the 6-10 range. When I first gave them their menus, they sat there and stared at me like they wanted me to open them. I let out this little "heh," a half assed laugh, and the guy grumbled and opened everybody's menus. So I proceed to ask them what they want to drink, etc. etc. And the father stares at me, looking all pissed off for about ten seconds before he finally asks for a diet coke. Then I have to wait for the wife to compose herself before she squeezes the same words out of her mouth and goes on laughing. The two girls just ask for water.

So I go get their drinks. On the way back, I see the guy reaching into the hanging light above their table. I ask him, "sir, is there a problem?" He tilts his head over to look at me and crushes the light bulb in his hand. I just stand there for a second, starting to get a little freaked out. His wife is literally rocking back and forth in their booth laughing, and I'm standing there with a tray of drinks. The kids are both sitting with their hands folded, looking down into their laps.

"Uh, it was too bright," he finally grunts. Yeah, okay I'm thinking to myself. I ask them if they want to move tables since now there's glass all over the fucking place (not exactly the words I used, mind), and the guy gets all furrowed and just shakes his head "no," like I'm an idiot, a real "what the FUCK would we do that for" kind of deal. So I put down the drinks on a different table and go get a rag to get rid of the glass. I get back to the table and start wiping it down. The guy is glaring at me the whole time, really fucking pissed off, and his wife keeps looking up at me, rocking, covering her mouth as she's fucking drooling because she's laughing so much. And there's a spot on the table I can't get clean because his hands are right smack in the middle of it. I try to move the rag around them as close as I can, but he doesn't move.

I just told myself fuck this and gave them their drinks, took their orders, and didn't bother with them again. There were other people in the place, I didn't have time to be fucked with.

Eventually, they leave, and I'm taking care of the rest of the place. I didn't have time to clean off their table right away, since I had a couple tables come in as they were walking out the door. I figured they didn't leave a tip anyway, so I wasn't in a rush (I was right about this; they left a coupon for saving fifteen cents on a gallon of milk or some shit at Giant Eagle).

About five minutes after they leave, I'm swiping somebody's credit card for a charge and I hear a voice behind me: "Do you know where my parents went?"

They left their youngest girl there. I was so fucking pissed. I asked the customers I was charging if they could hold on a second and they said sure. I walked the little girl outside and looked around the block (didn't walk around, just peered around the corners), and couldn't find their parents. I was about to take her back inside when a van drives past and her father yells out "[name of girl], what the fuck are you doing? Get in the car!" She runs over and jumps in, he speeds through a stop sign and they're gone.

I swear to god I could've clocked that guy if he ever came back in.

The second story I have happened just a couple days ago. There were a couple elderly ladies having dinner. They both got the daily special, which was city chicken or something, and we give free rice pudding with our specials. After they're done eating, I ask them if they want dessert. Yes, the first one says, rice pudding is fine. The second says she'd like ice cream instead.

First, we normally only give out one scoop of ice cream; they're big scoops, and we charge $1.45 for one. I gave her two, and didn't charge for the second.

I give them their desserts, their checks (they had separate ones), and I proceed to do my other business. A few minutes later, the second old lady comes up to me, after very obnoxiously yelling "excuse me!" from across the dining room. Yes? I ask her. "You charged me for this ice cream," she said. I said yes, I'm aware. She sucks in her lips and then puckers them back out, then stares at me a minute in silence. "You didn't charge my friend for her rice pudding" she eventually states. "Rice pudding comes free with our specials," I say, "ice cream gets charged."

She starts getting this really nasty look on her face. "Look here young man," she snarls, "I said I wanted ice cream instead of rice pudding. You said you wouldn't charge for it." I raised one eyebrow. This lady couldn't be serious. I know what I said, and I definitely wasn't giving her free food- this is my family's business, and it's been struggling recently.

"You said you wouldn't charge for it!" she yells again. I nod a little bit. I wasn't about to argue with her, I just wanted her to go. So I said, "fine, my mistake. How much was your friend's bill?" "$6.32" she says.

I start ringing her up at the register. She gave me a fifty, and our register doesn't show change- we have to do that in our heads. It's pretty easy math, but I looked at her original bill- $7 something- and it threw me off. So I pause for a moment to do the math again in my head. "$6.32, you said?" I ask.

She says, "Oh, for Christ's sakes!" and proceeds to reach into the register. I take a step back, ready to deck this 75+ year old lady if she tries bolting with our change. Instead, she lines up the coins and starts giving me a lecture about how to count. There are other customers in the place and they all stop their conversations and start pointing and laughing like I'm some kind of clown. The old lady's friend comes over and starts smiling and nodding, "you've got to teach this kids nowadays- they aren't learning anything in schools.... no wonder our country's going down the drain... let's just hope he never becomes a doctor... back in my day..."

I swear to god, I wished I would've decked her when I had the chance. She didn't shut up for a good ten minutes. I went to take care of other customers, and she followed me around muttering her useless bullshit, her friend tagging along like a fucking bobblehead doll repeating everything she said: "you've got to count it like this, pennies first, then dimes, nickels, and so on. Blah blah blahblahblahblah."

The kicker was, as they were leaving, they passed a guy at the counter- a regular customer- and say to him "these young waiters- they're like dogs; you have to train them or they'll piss all over their boss' hard work."

I bit my tongue and waited in the kitchen to cool myself down.
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