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Author Topic: sticks and stones  (Read 4941 times)
Alisha
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« on: July 11, 2009, 08:41:06 PM »

"sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me."

you know whoever made up this phrase needs to die if they aren't dead already.

i broke my leg when i was in 4th grade with no bad lasting effects other than a slight variance in leg and foot size.
however i think name calling and bullying can and have left wounds that may never heal in me.
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Losfer
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« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2009, 08:42:27 PM »

Yep.

(No, seriously, I agree!)
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Fei
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« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2009, 08:52:49 PM »

It's supposed to help you shrug off bad words.  But yeah, I wouldn't want to listen to some nazi radio station while trying to focus.

Lets get technical!  Emotions are physical reactions in your brain, and when you feel bad about being picked on, you are being physically hurt!  The guy who wrote that rhyme is wrong :P

With political correctness being what it is today, I don't think that phrase is being promoted much anymore.
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« Reply #3 on: July 11, 2009, 09:28:20 PM »

"Stieks and Stones" is also a song by N.EX.T for the Korean version of Guilty Gear XX #Reload.  It's Jam's theme.  I <3 Jam, though I think "Babel Nose" is the better theme song for her. 

Therapy takes years, psychological trauma runs deep, physical scars heal quicker, yadda yadda yadda... I could write a thesis on that given how many years I've been in school studying psychology. 

EDIT: And I could also rattle off a whole bunch of other old saying that are very flawed. 
« Last Edit: July 12, 2009, 06:37:02 PM by Dincrest » Logged

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MeshGearFox
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« Reply #4 on: July 11, 2009, 11:13:59 PM »

My experience being bullied in middle school has convinced me that it's usually the victim's fault.
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« Reply #5 on: July 12, 2009, 02:17:39 AM »

My experience being bullied in middle school has convinced me that it's usually the victim's fault.

Total lie. Sometimes it's things the victim can't help. Like being a little person. I couldn't really fix that one.

And I'm a 30 year old woman and I'm convinced that some people never outgrow bullying.

That being said, yeah, the rhyme is total bs for most people. Having good self-esteem and strong family and friend support helps, but sometimes only so much.
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« Reply #6 on: July 12, 2009, 02:36:50 AM »

My experience being bullied in middle school has convinced me that it's usually the victim's fault.
Wrong. Psychologically, bullies are pressed into defining their own existence through making others feel miserable, whether by verbal or physical abuse, in order to cover up any shortcomings they possess. It's why the internet has become a nesting ground for adult bullies, they're people who have achieved nothing in real life and done nothing substantial to justify their own existence, so they attempt to affirm their self worth by badmouthing others and harassing them for no apparent reason. More commonly they are self prescribed 'smart,' or 'intelligent' people who mock and insult anyone who fits in their arbitrary definition of 'stupid.'
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Tomara
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« Reply #7 on: July 12, 2009, 03:57:19 AM »

Victims become victims, because they appear to be the weakest link and bullying someone who has a secure position within a group is social suicide. A bully in one group may be the victim in another. It probably has more to do with luck than with looks and social skills.
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Ryos
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« Reply #8 on: July 12, 2009, 08:36:45 AM »

This thread reminded me of the following quote: "That which does not kill me makes me stronger.". Much like the rhyme, this line of thinking is also flawed because there are many examples of injuries that will impair you in a significant way.
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« Reply #9 on: July 12, 2009, 11:53:20 AM »

It should be "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never physically hurt me"

I mean c'mon, how many overly sensitive people are there who takes an insult too much and resulting it to a lawsuit?
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Gen Eric Gui
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« Reply #10 on: July 12, 2009, 12:52:55 PM »

Words only hurt if you let them hurt.  I was made fun of for years but I turned out just fine, mostly because I ignored the bullshit fully understanding that most of the bullies would end up with 8 kids in a trailer working a dead-end construction job with no future.
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Dios GX
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« Reply #11 on: July 12, 2009, 02:32:03 PM »

My experience being bullied in middle school has convinced me that it's usually the victim's fault.
Wrong. Psychologically, bullies are pressed into defining their own existence through making others feel miserable, whether by verbal or physical abuse, in order to cover up any shortcomings they possess. It's why the internet has become a nesting ground for adult bullies, they're people who have achieved nothing in real life and done nothing substantial to justify their own existence, so they attempt to affirm their self worth by badmouthing others and harassing them for no apparent reason. More commonly they are self prescribed 'smart,' or 'intelligent' people who mock and insult anyone who fits in their arbitrary definition of 'stupid.'
Fuckin' agreed entirely right there.

I also fully agree with Alisha's OP. However, I'm glad for those few kids who used to pick on me and shit. For me anyway, it taught me not to let assholes walk all over me, and over time, I learned how to be trusting of certain people and have good character judgement. It's gonna be part of life one way or another, and fuck if I wish no child ever has to go through it. But it's better to happen when you're far younger, than to never experience it until you're in your 20's and become a stuck-up bitch (SoCal!).

Also, as an author, I believe Taylor Mali said it best; "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but my words will fuckin' kill you."

Granted that's supposed to be taken in a humoristically cynical sarcasm (or is it...?) but the point still stands well on its own right there. To which, I will translate for those who don't want to try and understand what I'm saying:

"Words can hurt. Any medium used can do it. Words are verbalized expression. Internet-based, mail-based, word-of-mouth, they are all words. The word of God created the universe by Him speaking it. Consider how things become watered down over time, and now look at the words men can speak. Can words not inspire? Then they also can degrade, hurt, and cut another just the same.
"All too often, there will be someone without emotions. Someone without a heart, a conscious, or empathy wrought rent of his existence. It's people like this, people who've given up... the weak who claim to've never been hurt or wounded emotionally.
"Well, if that's the case, I can only ask this... 'how can you be strong, if you don't know what it's like to be hurt? Why would you even consider yourself strong without something to compare it to.'
"So, I say, the truly strong in this world are those with emotions, who aren't afraid to cry, and don't have shame in not always smiling twenty-four hours a day with a fake-ass mask on."

After which point, character who is speaking these lines starts throwing up from eating too much chinese food. Yes that's an excerpt from something I wrote, I plugged it, whatever. It's fitting though I think. ;x
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kyuusei
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« Reply #12 on: July 12, 2009, 04:19:15 PM »

My experience being bullied in middle school has convinced me that it's usually the victim's fault.
They just want you to feel that way. It's not necessarily or generally true.

For me, well, it was a way to learn not to put up with bullshit later in life.
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MeshGearFox
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« Reply #13 on: July 12, 2009, 07:09:54 PM »

Most bullies I knew in middle school ended up being fairly well-adjusted by the time highschool rolled around. Actually they pretty much ended up in the same AP and advanced classes I was in and a lot of them ended up graduating with honors. And I'm speaking from a male perspective so maybe it's different for girls, but I cannot in any capacity recall any degree of bullying at my highschool.

Other things. There wasn't any physical bullying. There were fights, but they were more... mutual. No duress. And physical violence wasn't tolerated anyway. There was no favoritism for people on the football team, because of this notion that if one player was a total asshole, he'd make the team, and the school, look bad. There weren't even cliques, really (and the only people in this town with the drive to be cliquish based on wealth... tended to be Catholic and go to Catholic school).

Anyway. A better phrase to look at -- and one that's mostly true -- is "History is written by the winners."

You use words to define someone as something they're not. You're not hurting them because it's not true. You're not hurting them because it's mean in some nominal sense. You're not hurting them because you're damaging their reputation.

You're hurting them because in a very real way you're chipping of pieces of their reality and making it your own. You're taking away their control of themselves.
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Ryos
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« Reply #14 on: July 12, 2009, 07:15:48 PM »

And I'm speaking from a male perspective so maybe it's different for girls, but I cannot in any capacity recall any degree of bullying at my highschool.

Lucky you.  I knew it was going to be a long 4 years of high school when some douche bag in my incoming freshman summer at band camp decided to use our bathroom wall as his pissing ground.
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