Are you OK with your 11 year old giving a BJ?

[Pcmaker]

Ok, apparently, 11 year olds today give blowjobs to their 12 year old boyfriends. My wife and I are appalled. Our 7 year old daughter are friends with this girl who got in trouble for giving her 12 year old boyfriend a blowjob... and this has been going on for awhile. Needless to say, I don't want that little slut hanging around our house anymore.

When did this start happening? When I was 12, I was still watching TMNT and Batman, getting an actual BJ was the last thing on my mind.

And the thing that ticks me off the most is that the parents of the 11 year old didn't make such a big deal out of it. Apparently, it's the "norm" nowadays. Young girls giving BJs because they don't want to lose their virginity. We had a meeting with the families of the group of friends. Me and my wife were expecting a serious discussion, but it turned into a little get together. I was looking at the dad and I just wanted to smash his face for letting this happen... and more importantly, for not making a big deal out of this.

The only thing I got out of that meeting after talking to several people is that this is normal. WTF is going on here? I am PISSED my daughter is growing up in this kind of environment.

[bigdeath]

Where've you been? This is nothing new. They get drunk as welll as other stuff....

And no, that girl not a little slut. A BJ is rather minor, thank god shes not pregnant.

And when you where 12 other girls  might have already lost their virginity at a young age. Perhaps those girls parents feel differently because they themselves had a different experience growing up.

This would be why sex education is very important. Theres certainly going to be a lot of pressure to have sex on a girl and its best to educate her so she doesn't do something stupid such as giving 12 year boys BJ because she thinks that whats expected of her. I suggest you talk frankly with your daughter before her peers do. Waiting till shes 12 may be too late as you can already tell.


Do keep in mind that if her friend gave a BJ then she most likely already knows what a BJ is. Yes, even as a 7 years old. Being 7 does not mean you are stupid, it just means you don't reason well.   And yes, that is very disturibing but don't underestimate your daughters intelligence.


Put a little trust in your daughter, talk to her and simply ask her what she knows. DON'T say anything else and just tell her that she can trust you as her parent and tell you what she knows. And don't punish her or scream at her. Let her talk, you might be surprise what she already knows at 7 years old especially if shes been talking to older girls such as this friend. And then calmly explain the truth, that a 12 years boy does not need any sexual favors and if they are pressuring you for them then they are using you.

Tell keep that thought that she might be being used whenever she ends up with a boy. That thought alone will do more to stop her than preventing her from seeing her friend.

[Dice]

I admire strict parents.  Not to the extent of hitting the kid like they're a tennis match, but I do believe a smack to the ass does assure a "striking" reminder of right and wrong.

From what I've seen; kids are fairly detached these days.  About half the kids that come into my restaurant are playing on Nintendo DS's, while the parent just eats in silence.  Is sort of a loose message, but I honestly thing parents need to grab hold of their kids more.  Kids are extremely influential, and have some shitty celebrity role models. I didn't know what a blow job was till slightly after that age, but like you, I was certainly FAR from giving one anytime soon.  I went on a "date" when I was 13; but at that age you'd do nothing more than maybe hold hands at a theatre.  Even still, at that age, I was more focused on hobbies and friends than seriously finding a boyfriend to blow... thats quite far fetched.

Fuck it, lets teach kids "cooties" exist again.

And no, she no a little slut. A BJ is rather minor, thank god shes not pregnant.

Eeee.  Granted its safer sex I suppose.  Picture yourself accidently walking in on an 11-12 year old giving a blow job...I'd feel like a pedophile, hands down.  Thats...young.

[Hathen]

I've never really seen the relationships that most people get into in high school as any more mature as the ones they have when they're in elementary school.

I guess the only thing that really changes is the age you give them "the talk", or whatever.

And lolvirginity.

[bigdeath]

And no, she no a little slut. A BJ is rather minor, thank god shes not pregnant.

Eeee.  Granted its safer sex I suppose.  Picture yourself accidently walking in on an 11-12 year old giving a blow job...I'd feel like a pedophile, hands down.  Thats...young.

I'll add that I think that giving a BJ at 11 is pretty sick as well because the girl is just being used for sex. The boy is just going to brag that he got a BJ.

I simply meant its a relief that the girl isn't pregnant at 11 years old. Which happens more often the most people think.

I also hate when people call others, especaly an 11 year old a slut. Shes not a slut, shes young and confused and obviously no ones (like her parent) has explain that shes just being used for sexual favors by a boy. If she was told she was being used and that then boy is more than likely to just brag about her then she'd think twice about doing such a thing.

Not to mention it could be your own daughter doing something like this one day which is why you should not call other girls sluts.


Shes also underage so this could be statutory rape. You'd be surprise how much even the threat of court action can have, it would most likely terrify the kid.



My parents always damn well made sure we spent time together such as dinner time watching the news. Like, I said, simply talking to the kid will have more of an impact then you think. If they understand that you greatly disapprove of having any kind of sex at a young age then suprisingly they tend to follow that advice.

Its been shown in studys that kids whos parents tell them not to have sex, DON'T have sex. The ones that do more often then not where told nothing if for no other reason then most parents think their kids are too young to understand. Whats really shocking is how few parents say anything at all to their kids about sex.

[Hathen]

I've always found it funny that when men have sex with a bunch of women, they're called a stud or something, but when women have sex with a bunch of men, they're called sluts.

[Hoshino_Kid]

That's... disturbing.

People nowadays lack morals and values. They're either non-existent or found in scarce families. :| I'm really glad you're aware about this and treat this as something serious because it is serious.

[Sagacious-T]

Culture in the United States is really fucked up these days. It's been on a downslope since the liberal mentality swept the country. Like George Carlin says, this country is doomed.

[Hoshino_Kid]

Culture in the United States is really fucked up these days. It's been on a downslope since the liberal mentality swept the country. Like George Carlin says, this country is doomed.

I've been wondering (since I don't live in the US). Do most of the people in America have no sense of moralities and values and bring them up to lawsuits? :P

[Hidoshi]

Culture in the United States is really fucked up these days. It's been on a downslope since the liberal mentality swept the country. Like George Carlin says, this country is doomed.

Eh, unbridled anything is bad. I don't think you can chalk it up to liberalism. Morality-spewing conservatism is just as bad since it makes traitors and heretics of freer spirits. I do however think that parenting needs a great revision. It isn't so much about controlling your children as teaching them properly. I don't feel many parents actually teach their children values and all that. I subscribe to the idea that your children aren't "yours", and so you can't "control" them, but you very much can teach them and help them correct their mistakes.

About sex? Who knows. An eleven year old being sexually active isn't a new thing. It's been around since the most ancient of our days. Remember there was a time when we lived shorter lives, and the sooner the kids got it on, the more likely the family would continue. Eleven *is* a bit too young even in my head, but I think it's less to do with preventing a child from knowing about sex, and more about educating them on what sex is, so it doesn't have a mysterious appeal or seems consequence-free.

Heck, kids who grow up around animals on a farm are likely to know exactly what goes on, but that doesn't make them morally bankrupt. It's the lessons that come along at the time which frame how they react to sex.

[Prime Mover]

I admire strict parents.  Not to the extent of hitting the kid like they're a tennis match, but I do believe a smack to the ass does assure a "striking" reminder of right and wrong.

Funny thing, this "wrong" you are talking about, you are likely going to go do, yourself, later that night. This is NOT a question of right and wrong, it's a question of socially acceptable behavior at a certain age, and really, only the parents and children can decide that. I know we might be squeemish about young teens engaging in sexual activity, but this is a situation that should be looked at logically, without our personal hangups. The reality is, as long as it's just BJs and HJs, there is no risk of pregnancy or disease (well, little to none for disease). Our only reasons for not allowing it are 1) our personal hangups about our "children" being sexually engaged, and 2) fear of things going further then just BJs and HJs. #1 we just need to deal with, because personal hangups are best ignored in favor of more logical reasoning. #2 can be avoided with good communication, education, and mutual trust. If there isn't the mutal trust, respect, and communication, then the war is lost no matter what. The kids are just going to do whatever they're going to do... which would probably be a lot worse than if they had a good communicative relationship with the parents.

Hidoshi is right on, btw. Interesting fact is that typically, the stricter and more conservative the parenting, the younger the children end up being sexually active, and the more unwanted pregancies occur (just look at Sarah Palin's daughter for an example). But this isn't so much an issue of liberal/conservative, as it is an issue of mutual trust and respect between parent and child.

[Redeemed]

The reality is, as long as it's just BJs and HJs, there is no risk of pregnancy or disease (well, little to none for disease).

Totally false! Maybe there's a lower risk of HIV, but there are PLENTY of other STDs that can be easily transmitted by oral sex...
http://std.about.com/od/riskfactorsforstds/a/oralsexsafesex.htm

[bigdeath]

Indeed, oral sex is not safe since many STDs can be transmitted that way. Even if its at a lower risk it only has to infect once. And this is something you should tell your kids. Fear of a life damn by an illness that can't be cured is a rather powerful reminder to practice safe sex and to not be promiscuous. You may not be able to stop kids from having sex but can make sure the treat it as the serious matter that it is.

[Dice]

I admire strict parents.  Not to the extent of hitting the kid like they're a tennis match, but I do believe a smack to the ass does assure a "striking" reminder of right and wrong.

Funny thing, this "wrong" you are talking about, you are likely going to go do, yourself, later that night. This is NOT a question of right and wrong, it's a question of socially acceptable behavior at a certain age, and really, only the parents and children can decide that. I know we might be squeemish about young teens engaging in sexual activity, but this is a situation that should be looked at logically, without our personal hangups. The reality is, as long as it's just BJs and HJs, there is no risk of pregnancy or disease (well, little to none for disease). Our only reasons for not allowing it are 1) our personal hangups about our "children" being sexually engaged, and 2) fear of things going further then just BJs and HJs. #1 we just need to deal with, because personal hangups are best ignored in favor of more logical reasoning. #2 can be avoided with good communication, education, and mutual trust. If there isn't the mutal trust, respect, and communication, then the war is lost no matter what. The kids are just going to do whatever they're going to do... which would probably be a lot worse than if they had a good communicative relationship with the parents.

Hidoshi is right on, btw. Interesting fact is that typically, the stricter and more conservative the parenting, the younger the children end up being sexually active, and the more unwanted pregancies occur (just look at Sarah Palin's daughter for an example). But this isn't so much an issue of liberal/conservative, as it is an issue of mutual trust and respect between parent and child.

To each their own.  My folks were strict, and I certainly held out longer than 11 years old before I did anything like that. =/
Depends in what department too.  I was taught to save it for someone special.  I don't really believe in waiting till marriage to be sexually active, but I did wait till my first steady boyfriend.
I've had too many girlfriends fucked up and over by guys.  One is in love with some guy she screwed with a few times (who now has a girlfriend), one got preggo, and another has a fuckbuddy whom I think wants more than that.

Sexual activity has quite a bit of risk.  In whatever regard.  Physically, mentally, whatever.  There are laws to prevent kids from driving at a certain age, drinking, voting, etc.  Mainly because it is believed a certain level of maturity is needed for some acts.
Yeah, if I had a kid, I'd tell them to keep it in their pants, because they may not know 100% of what they're getting into (come on, 11 is seriously too young for kids to have a handle on sexual activity... this is the same age group that laughs at the word "penis" when learning about it in Phys Ed or whatever).  And yeah, maybe I'll go have sex later on after telling them 'no'.  But at least I am cautious of the risks I take and willing to accept them. Rather than going with the crowd and going on my knees because my tween boyfriend asked for a blowjob. 

Again, to each their own, but something seems odd for kids to be doing/knowing oral sex in the first place.

I see what you're getting at though.  Yeah, kids should be taught responsibility, yadayada, etc.
But really, walking in to see any sexual activity between tweens just feels wrong if not forced at that age.  Otherwise, hey, kudos to them, they've developed into maturity quite early.

[Pcmaker]

Ok, how many of you that replied to this thread are parents?