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Subject: Persona 3: FES
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Author Topic: Do you hate your life?  (Read 16662 times)
Hathen
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« on: August 31, 2009, 11:33:26 PM »

Discuss.
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Ramza
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« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2009, 11:41:59 PM »

A simple warning: if this thread gets out of hand, it will be closed. :)

Some people will want to have a "my suffering is bigger than yours" contest, as though the size of their suffering equaled the size of their penis. That way, the person with the most suffering can say "my life-hating is warranted: yours is not, quit sucking."

You know, like when the recovering crack addict speaks at your school and says "YOU THINK YOU HAVE IT TOUGH?!" and gives a bunch of "scared straight" bullshit? Word.

I really hope this thread doesn't degenerate into that.

To answer the question...

no, no I don't.

There were times in my life when I did. some fairly recently. I think most people feel this way at SOME point in their lives. Some feel it every day. They either wish they were someone else, or they wish they simply didn't exist.

It's an awful feeling.

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Eusis
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« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2009, 11:49:30 PM »

Frustrated with life? Perhaps. Hate my life? I don't really think so, no.
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Serene Prophet
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« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2009, 11:53:30 PM »

Yes and no..and I know this was a topic sorta posted as a joke but what the hell.

To be honest, I have it pretty damn good.  I get 720 dollars or so from the government every month plus 67 in food stamps.  I pay 167 for rent for my own apartment.  I pay 55 bucks a month for electric when I use the air conditioning, about 33 when im not.  Water and heat is included in my rent.  I pay 75 for highspeed internet and cable, and the rest is for me to spend on whatever I please.   Pretty damn good for not having to work a minute a day.

However.  I sorta hate it, because I feel so fucking worthless.  I mean, I dunno how many of you would feel ok getting money you don't earn in any way, for free, especially when you don't really have any major disability.  I wont go on trying to explain whats wrong beyond saying there are some things in my brain that are not wired correctly, and it causes me to have alot of difficulty in both social situations, and work situations.  I want my life to mean something, I wanna be able to do something that gives me some fulfillment, so I feel like im not just draining off the system like some lazy mooch.  I wanted to join the military, to at least try, give myself some sort of purpose defending the nation that despite its problems I care about, the friends and family I love..but I can't.  I'm not allowed because of whats wrong with me.  Plus honestly even if I did, I doubt id hack it, because of how I am.

But in comparison to alot of peoples problems, mine seems like piddly shit.  And I get that, and I accept that alot of people feel I don't deserve what I have, that I have somehow magically abused the system, etc, etc.  Like I said, id love to be off it, to let someone who needs it more than me have it, but at least in getting it, it helps me make a move towards that goal, without always having to worry about if I have a place to live, or food to eat, or clothes on my back, and that im not taking that money away from my parents, who need it to raise my soon to be born sibling (granted they make 80-90k combined a year, but still, they have use more than enough money trying to keep me going while I got help, I could never ask them to do it again without feeling like the worst son ever).

So in regards to that stuff, yeah I kinda hate my life, or I suppose I should rephrase it and say I hate myself, and how I cannot yet be what I want myself to be.  But whatever god knows im trying, and for now that has to be enough.  

I hope that didn't sound to pathetic..im not asking for pity or anything, just, saying it I guess.  Maybe it will help someone else in some way.

Cheers.
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« Reply #4 on: September 01, 2009, 12:19:06 AM »

Nobody has a perfect life, everybody runs into his or her own obstacles, life isn't easy, but hate is a strong word.  Personally, whenever I get down, I just remind myself things could always be worse, and for all the negative things that way come my way, I've had more than enough positive to make up for it.  I don't hate my life, but there are times that I wish things were different, but I think everybody feels that way at some point or another. 
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« Reply #5 on: September 01, 2009, 01:09:16 AM »

My life is perfect. The only time I have a hard time in life is when people argue against the availability of Japanese voice acting in localized JRPGs.

If anything, you should just accept your fleeting existence and accept the fact that you will die, and very soon.
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TurnBasedDude
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« Reply #6 on: September 01, 2009, 01:13:47 AM »

There are quite a bit of times when I do think it is bad, but it may not be as bad as I make it out to me. I do have a good family, even though they get immensely clingy, and I do have some good friends, but it is unfortunate that they're all semi long distant, as in not friends I can casually come to and randomly hang out with. I have to go out of state to meet them, and it is not often. If anything, it is just an issue with major self-loathing and low self-esteem.

I'm stuck in a mindset where I kept thinking to myself how I got nothing and how worthless I am whereas everyone I talk to have something or someone, and developed a strong inferiority complex. Sure, I have the 'Fan and some things online, but what about rl? It's that kind of thing. The people I know either excel in work life or love life or even a combination of both. I on the other hand falter very hard in both categories, hence I just got myself to feeling lost, weak and helpless. I never have any raw talent, moments of glory, rewards and such worth mentioning either.

One other thing is how much the past weighs me down, and how nearly every bitter moments of life don't fade and repressing it does not do any good. I've been abandoned and disposed of by many times in the past, mostly when they only stick around with me because they don't have anyone else until they got popular or got into a relationship, and they simply go "K, thnx, bye" and cut me off for them being too good like that. The pain eventually piled up and collapsed, hence, it can manifest to nightmares a fair lot.

That's my sob story in basic form. Life itself isn't bad, but I just feel I am insignificant and disposable at times, just being some extra buddy to some, but no one significant, or so how I feel. 22 single, never got kissed by a chick, let alone told I'm liked or want to be around. :p

And Pat, I admit I've pulled the "my suffering is bigger than yours" card before, but know better nowadays. Sure, the size and significance of everyone's problems greatly vary from person to person, but what seems minor to some would be a major ordeal on ourselves. Let this be a thread to share our woes, not make it a sob contest.
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« Reply #7 on: September 01, 2009, 01:18:28 AM »

It was going pretty well up until I read this thread. Now I want my three minutes back! :(
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« Reply #8 on: September 01, 2009, 01:21:46 AM »

TurnBasedDude that is really sad man. Why don't people like you? Are you just weird or something? You should try getting a girlfriend, you have skipped a very critical phase in life. Go to a club or something and just have some fun. Dance with a girl, even if you can't dance, and just live life. Stop playing RPGs and reading fanfiction for a while.
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« Reply #9 on: September 01, 2009, 01:24:35 AM »

Just think about life as one big MMO. It's a huge grind, there's tons of diminishing returns in almost countless skill sets. You don't respawn either, so PvP is really limited for certain players.

Your parent players combine their stats and you get a mixture of them, with a certain degree of randomness depending on gene types. Some people are born with great talent, some are born autistic with photographic memory. It's all luck, man! But if you're having trouble with girls for example, you can grind up some skill. Attacking the mobs (girls) is the best strategy, but reading some books or getting advice is another great way to level it up.
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« Reply #10 on: September 01, 2009, 01:32:11 AM »

From when I was 21 - 24, my life was glorious.  I made 30k/year, my car was paid off, I had insurance, I got a college degree, I had low rent on a nice 2 bedroom house with a garage, girlfriend, I had everything.  I complained that there were no good games on any consoles (I actually joked that I was investing in the DS's future by buying every game that was released, including Ping Pals).

Since then, my parents' divorce, the adoption of my girlfriend's kid gone awry, the loss of my job, car, and health insurance after the housing bubble burst, my mom going completely paranoid through divorce proceedings, and the sudden upturn in the quality of DS/PS3/X360 games have all driven me to hardcore alcoholism.  I can't even take a warm shower, which is what used to clear my head.  hopeless soapless.

I don't hate my life because I always feel depressed when I'm between jobs.  I know that getting a job will change everything, so I'm embracing some bad escapism while I wait.  
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« Reply #11 on: September 01, 2009, 07:45:08 AM »

I've been saying to everyone on Facebook lately that 2009 seems to be a Murphy's Law year for many of us.  I think most, if not all, of us are fed up with key aspects in our lives right now.  I have friends and family going through the hells of unemployment/debt, illness, loved ones going through illness, divorce, infertility, depression, you name it.  Luckily, no one I know's been rendered homeless or committed suicide yet.  Earlier this year I went through a small bout of depression where I was really withdrawn and wanted to jump off the nearest cliff as soon as possible.  But after reaching out to a good friend, I realized that jumping would never happen because someone would be there to stop me. 

But for some reason, I feel like venting in an fmylife fashion, so  I guess I'll share the brunt of my sob story.  I hate sharing sob stories because I hate appearing weak, pitiful, and emo.  But on the other hand, even if you realize that someone out there has it worse, it doesn't make you feel any less like shit.  It doesn't make your feelings any less valid.  Whenever I had a complaint, my family was mostly, "snap out of it and deal!  Your life is fine, a lot of people have it worse than you, now suck it up!" That certainly doesn't and didn't make me feel any better.  Yeah, I know people out there have it worse than me, but it doesn't make me feel any less shitty.  Why can't I be allowed to feel shitty and complain about life? 

For me, life has been downhill ever since I finished school back in October '08.  I got my Master's in School Counseling and my certification in November.  This was my SECOND Master's.  Since then, I have not been able to find a steady job, no matter what I've done.  All I keep hearing, even after interviews, is "you're a wonderful candidate with impressive credentials, but we've chosen someone else."  Hearing that day in and day out for about a year has really shattered my confidence and I sometimes question my purpose in life; I keep thinking "what's wrong with me?  I'm educated, experienced, and interview well.  What else can I fucking do?"  Best I've had was a monthlong project scoring standardized tests for 10 bucks an hour.  So having two Master's degrees, no job, and 100K in school loan debt is unbearable; feels like I did all this work and got all this education for nothing. 

I've spent much of my adult life living away from home, so being stuck living at home is/has been the absolute pits for me.  I've always been a very independent person and being without it feels castrating and stifling.  I've always had a great relationship with my mom for as long as I can remember, but these days it's extremely strained, stressful, and the absolute worst it's ever been.  Nowadays, we can't even talk for 12 seconds without fighting.  It's never been like that.

More than anything I want a steady job where I can make enough money to move out for good, pay off my loans, and quit being a useless burden to my parents who deserve to retire soon.  I don't know, I see some of my peers who I'm just as good as (if not better in some ways), and it's hard seeing everything that they touch turn to gold and everything I touch backfires (though some people consider my backfires to be successes.)  It's not fun feeling like a failure, especially when family and peers hold me in such high regard I feel like I let everyone down. 

My past relationships with women have been a series of backfires as well, but some of them make for great stories and killer inspiration for songs.   A lot of people do not believe that I'm still a virgin at 31.  It used to be my deep dark shameful secret for years, until some good friends helped me realize that I was making a bigger deal out of it than it really was.  I even wrote a song about how I used to be ashamed of it, but now I'm not and wear it as a badge of pride.  Having no diseases and no baby daddy drama are awesome since, well, those are the two things I need least in my life since I have no job, no money and no health insurance. 

That's why I'm as obsessive about cycling as I am.  That's the only thing that's actually going RIGHT in my life (okay, writing for RPGFan is and has always been awesome as well.)  Thanks to cycling, nutrition, and weight training, my weight's down from 240 (July '08) to 175 (now) so my health is better than ever (save for a stubborn abdominal pannus that's been with me for decades.)  I feel the most free, the happiest, the most joyful, the most excited, the most alive, and the most confident when I am on my bike.  Every moment I spend on my bike is like a small escape to nirvana, until my legs burn like the devil and I have to go back. 

But even then, good health is great and it's the right lesson in self-care, but man it's the wrong time since I really need my professional life to emerge from the toilet.   

So the question, do I hate my life?  No.  Am I fed up with it right now?  Hell yes!
« Last Edit: September 03, 2009, 07:06:56 PM by Dincrest » Logged

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« Reply #12 on: September 01, 2009, 07:52:37 AM »

I absolutely love my life. Sure, a lot of bullshit goes on, but it's still valuable experience to me.

Though, I think I could live without my dad constantly throwing in how he isn't happy about me choosing to be a teacher, rather than choosing to be a med student. Silly Asian parents and their ideals about making their kids doctors.
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« Reply #13 on: September 01, 2009, 10:40:29 AM »

What kind of Asian are you? In a lot of countries in Asia Doctors are basically gods.
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« Reply #14 on: September 01, 2009, 11:36:50 AM »

I guess the good news in any thread like this is that anyone who reads it can say "hey, I'm not alone."  Everybody hates their life some of the time, no matter how good they have it.

For example, a few years ago, I listened to a report on a study that was done on happiness vs. income.  What they found was that once you got past basic subsistence, making more money didn't make people happier.  People who made 100,000 were the same amount of happy with their lives as people who made 100,000,000.
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