So I've been trying internet dating

[Starmongoose]

It's harder to meet people when social networking makes it really easy to pick your friends. And how in the world do you date some when you reduce yourself and them as well to a laundry list of interests and beliefs and images?

Isn't it just a way to catch some interest? If I found a profile that said "KKK Male looking for Hot Sexy Female for walks on beach and casual lynching" I may just scroll over to the next profile. However if I saw a guy who shared an interest with me, such as bug collecting or the anti-conformist subtext of the Hocus Pocus movie, I might be more willing to dive into deeper conversation in a more live and interactive way.

Maybe? I dunno.

[Adapheon]

Hardest thing for me's always been being stuck in the friend zone.  I can never seem to break out of that.  Sure that's better than nothing, but it still sucks when it feels like I'm good enough to be her close friend but not good enough to be something more.  Makes no damn sense. 

I've had the same thing happen quite a bit, it's definitely irritating and I'm sure I'm to blame for most of it for not being forward enough or, as what happens a lot in my case, not picking up on any signs from the girl. I'm not really sure what's worse: having everything going well and just randomly the girl gets a boyfriend or them getting a boyfriend but they were interested in me and thought I didn't feel the same way about them. It's needlessly complicated for no reason. Really I thought online dating would make things a little easier, you meet a girl, both say you want to date someone, you talk for a bit and decide to meet. How is that not a date? It's definitely one thing where people just don't work together in a relationship but do as friends but it's another to meet under pretenses of looking for a relationship and somehow that fact gets lost.

[Ashtrot]

Hardest thing for me's always been being stuck in the friend zone.  I can never seem to break out of that.  Sure that's better than nothing, but it still sucks when it feels like I'm good enough to be her close friend but not good enough to be something more.  Makes no damn sense.  

Easiest thing to do then is to just drop the girl immediately. Being Friend Zoned doesn't mean she actually treats you as a friend, no, it means she'll make you her little stunt monkey, and call you at the wee hours of the morning, make you do shit for her, etc, all without doing anything in return, and using honeyed words like "Come on, friends should help each other out, right?" but then run off at the first sign of trouble. They're worse than fair weather friends.

You should know that REAL friends would never sucker punch you with a line like that, and they'd know when to seek your help and when not to (and vice versa!). Most of my actual friends can sense when I'm in trouble and either know when I can take care of it myself, and when I actually need help, and if I need help, they will help me without my asking, then say afterwards, "hey, we're friends/brothers, this is what we should be doing for each other," and expect nothing in return other than my loyalty. The only girls you can be efficient friends with are those who you have a platonic relationship with from the start. Every time a girl tells me 'let's just be friends,' I never call her again or take any of her calls.

[sandiny0ursh0es]

Before my relationship that I'm in right now, meeting people off the internet was a normal thing. I would spend a great deal of time getting to know them via chat (maybe like a couple weeks' worth of chatting) and then decide if this person was worth meeting.

I've had good experiences and bad ones, mostly good. As a gay male, if you were to walk into a gay chatroom, maybe 85% (I'm probably underestimating) blatantly just want to hook up for sex and have dick pics up and stats and whatnot, so you definitely have to weed those guys out if you're not looking for that. I had a lot of first dates that never went any farther than that because you find that people are different in person than how they are online. Or they lie about certain things about themselves. Or they don't look like the pic they sent you. But, I have met a few guys that were very very worthwhile people. It's a process though.

However, I think the best way to meet someone is through friends. At least it's not someone completely random, someone that at least one of your friends is familiar with. My current boyfriend I met through friends at a girl's birthday party, and actually became friends with him first (he was with someone at the time) before feelings started to develop and we eventually got together.

I definitely would not knock internet dating though. I know a lot of people that have found love via Facebook, Myspace, and Eharmony and Dincrest's right, the stigma that used to be associated with internet dating is no longer an issue. People talk about it like it's as viable an option as hitting up the club or the bar.

My boyfriend actually hooked up one of our good female friends with one of his friends in the military. They webcammed/Skyped like EVERYDAY and now are romantically interested in one another.

[MeshGearFox]

Maybe you could move from Friend Zone to Friends-With-Benefits Zone?

[Ashtrot]

That never happens.

[Dice]

That never happens.

Done it before; bad idea.  Someone gets feelings in the "friends with bens" or the "fuck buddy" thing.  My friend has had a 3 year long fuck buddy relationship, and always comes to me with problems and feelings she shouldn't be having... its tiresome.

[Ashtrot]

Actually it's quite doable, just not on a long term basis. You can't expect to be intimate with someone for that long and not develop some sort of feelings with them, whether positive or negative - it's why a lot of roommates end up hating each other or becoming BFFs. Being in that close of a proximity just causes emotions to be involved.

Also, you have to be really fucked up to have a 3 year long fuck buddy relationship. Those things should be measured in weeks at best and months at worst, not years. What the hell?

[Dice]

Also, you have to be really fucked up to have a 3 year long fuck buddy relationship. Those things should be measured in weeks at best and months at worst, not years. What the hell?

She is indeed,  and I'm always hearing the butt-end problems of it.... not literally.  But she buys new, sexy lingerie for the guy... which makes me roll my eyes and spot a problem - because, guaranteed, he doesn't give as much a care as her.

I like people in a safe relationship. Usually because it tells me that someone can stand them (and it's usually true - they're tolerable people).  And single people (though hard to argue sometimes) don't know how liberating it can be.

[Ashtrot]

Not sure I understand. You're saying single people don't know how liberating a safe relationship can be? Safe relationships generally end up causing me undue amounts of stress, though it's mainly because I have long workdays and that interferes with my personal life.

[Dice]

Not sure I understand. You're saying single people don't know how liberating a safe relationship can be? Safe relationships generally end up causing me undue amounts of stress, though it's mainly because I have long workdays and that interferes with my personal life.

Mmm.  I think it's a two street.

Relationship: you have the comfort of knowing someone will be there; but not always the trust, or the amount of money it can cost; plus the emotional toll of not only being there, but playing the role of a boy/girlfriend.  They love you; but do gotta work for it.  Love is great, of course, so there is always that safe, comfortable, fuzzy-wuzzy zone.

Single: you are alone.  But at least it won't stop you from freely being able to play video games wearing nothing but your underwear (feels great) and doing *your* things *your* way.  You can flirt, you can hang, you can (IMO) be more yourself (unless you've found that guy/girl who accepts you that 90-100%....marry them! haha).  You don't have the emotional support;  but you're not as confined either to the rules and code of being in a relationship.

Personally; I take whatever hand I'm given.  I'll love a relationship, and I'll take in the single life.

[Ashtrot]

You're implying that without a relationship you have no emotional support, which is just not true. People can get plenty of emotional support from platonic friends, and I've found that my platonic friends end up being more emotionally supportive than my girlfriends, who just want me to buy shiny things for them. I think most of the time you need to be in a serious relationship before you realize how being single is actually a good thing.

[Adapheon]

I think it's the opposite: you have to be in a serious relationship to realize how being single blows. There's lots of benefits to singlehood (I'm enjoying several of them right now) but at the end of the day if you're in a serious, trusting, relationship it's just a better time.

[Uru]

Im sure it all comes down to the individual. I've been in two 3.5 year relationships and one 3 month one, my first relationship  (a long one) ended because I was a douche and really messed me up, the 3 month one left me wondering how that would have turned out, and my long one that im in right now; lets just say that I cant wait to be out of it cause it has turned ugly unexpectedly fast. 

[Dice]

You're implying that without a relationship you have no emotional support, which is just not true. People can get plenty of emotional support from platonic friends, and I've found that my platonic friends end up being more emotionally supportive than my girlfriends, who just want me to buy shiny things for them. I think most of the time you need to be in a serious relationship before you realize how being single is actually a good thing.

I don't mean it so solely and precise in my definition.  Similar to how I would never say "ALL PASTA DISHES ROCK, THERE IS NEVER AND COULD NEVER BE A BAD ONE BECAUSE PASTA ROCKS".

It is up to the individual. 

I also do think a lot of people feel the grass is always greener on the other side haha