Can you get the inside of your uterus tattooed so that it leave messages every time you have a period?
Maybe you could tattoo STOP LAUGHING AT ME GUYS on it, so that nobody will make fun of you for having a period anymore.
Right, though.
So lately -- since the dogs died, at least -- I've had a peculiar delusion that I do not exist. Or rather, this actually goes back a bit further, and in ways more saliently embedded in scar tissue, but it's stronger now. Anything sets it off, although talking to people, and especially the longer the conversation drags out, exacerbates it.
I've been on the verge of an honest-to-god ego death event since 2003, and I'm open and waiting for the cosmic hand to reach down and stroke me over the edge.
I also don't have strong memories of college or highschool -- the Sparknotes site helped me realize this. This has also gotten more pronounced since the dogs died. On Monday, I realized, however, that I am completely unfettered by the past -- whatever history I had prior to the now is irrelevant, and I can be anything. What kind of life would a Markov property life be?
There is a mental image of a city that I have, with Mediterranean architecture, and an Eastern Orthodox skew of some sort. And I feel like it's in Columbus, but I don't remember where. This summer, I think I'm going to see if I can get out to Delaware, Ohio, via Columbus' bus system and Delaware's. I don't know if there's anything interesting there. I just have a good feeling about heading that way.
And I'm actually kind of curious how far I could get without driving and without leaving the ground. Megabus from Columbus to Chicago; Chicago's a major Amtrak hub.
