That's inexcusable. If anything, I'm blaming you for (I assume) *not* leaving that kind of situation or calling the police if that kind of stuff escalated... no one should behave that way, and if she tried anything, you should get police involved if she did anything so severe. If I'm rolling my eyes it's because I wouldn't put up with that.
You seem to have some misconceptions about the social and legal method to which these situations are handled. That's okay, I used to as well, until it happened to me.
Generally speaking, most of the onus is placed on the man when things like abuse is brought up. People take women at their word because there's this prevalence of opinion in society that women are always the victim and men always the aggressor. One only has to look at certain laws put in place in the U.S. to understand this. It didn't help that I look large and mean relative to my girlfriends in the past. The fact that afterwards I was browbeaten and harassed by other people for finally leaving is proof enough of this.
Believe me, getting the police involved would have been a mistake.
I'd be saying the same thing to either sex. I think a man and woman would be stupid to stay in a one-sided relationship. You keep talking about "woman advantages" usually in terms of "men's privileges", and it's annoying and way too vague. What advantages? I ackowledge a middle-road in there somewhere, but socially men are doing terribly well compared to women (physical upkeep is more extensive for women, men are the bigger sports stars world-wide, men usually procure better and better paying jobs, women are still seen as promiscuous if she tries sleeping around, men are considered just players, women are still bogged down with more household responsibilities usually only levied if she can meet a man's social/job standing). Unless you're talking about how easy it is for a woman to "hook up" sexually, I don't know what you mean (I agree, she probably just has to announce she wants sex). But if you're just talking about them being able to like someone, then believe me, I've talked to enough love-torn women asking if he "loves me/love's me not)".
I was talking more a relationship setting, and the whole privilege thing was about whenever I brought it up people attack me over the presumed advantages I have just by being a man and told me I should get real problems before complaining and to check my privilege. Believe me, I heard the "boo hoo hoo I'm a man and I have so many problems" line uttered by ivory tower assholes who have never had a problem in their lives so many times that it's pretty old hat to me now.
Like I said, it's just as tough for both men and women to be with someone they like, that is true. But again, women have an easier time getting dates, period. Women also have little societal pressure to do 'the right thing.' Example: if a woman wastes a man's time by not picking up or responding to his calls and stuff, it's okay. If a man does the same he's considered an asshole, if a woman rejects a man due to superficial reasons she knows what she wants, if a man does the same he's a pig. In terms of sexual judgment men do have less of a social stigma when they have lots of partners, but I was referring to the social aspect of relationships.
I'm taking on some of Yoda's vague and somewhat bad advice here, but you've gotta man up a bit if women or even people are taking advantage of you; if this keeps happening (for 15 years?!) you gotta make sure they don't see you as a chump.
It's not about being a chump. It's about how people have progressed to being socially irresponsible to the point that even my low standards are being constantly disappointed. Social responsibility is not high on the list of anyone these days, and while it might be true for men as well as women, I am not seeking long term relationships with men.
Telling me to man up in a situation where manning up would do nothing is just indicative of your inability to realize the severity and gravity of the situations I've been in. How is it at all my fault when others take advantage of social and legal expectations to trap, coerce, and threaten me? Or being browbeaten and harassed even more after the relationships actually end? Maybe the problem is less with me needing to man up and more with women needing to take some responsibility instead of demanding a cushy life from their boyfriends. But then, I'd be a pig for saying that.
I was mostly eye-rolling at Agent. D's What Women Want-esque dilemma, and the fibromyalgia is fake thing.
I think your love-life is tragic, Ash. :( I'm sorry your experiences have been so horrid. (I still don't agree that women have it easier in dating though. Easier to get a man, sure, lots of men are over-eager to be with a woman, any woman, but finding a man that is right for you is just as difficult. You just sound a bit jaded there.)
Which I acknowledge, finding a person that is right is hard for both genders. But as you say, it's much easier for a woman to get a man than it is for a man to get a woman.
And yeah, I'm jaded. Very much so. Wouldn't you be, if you were in my shoes?
