Drove 5 hours today just to inspect and tag 11 trees. At least it was a nice, country road drive with awesome weather.
D, I'll bet everyone here can relate in some fashion to your problems. I know I can. Honestly, it's not the money stuff, but the family stuff for sure. Both my parents are gone, sadly, but my brothers and I are still trying to work through everything since my Dad died a year and a half ago. Let's just say that my youngest brother is a bit of a deadbeat and has been causing the family much trouble for years. He's majorly depressed, has no job, and lives in my Dads old house that he doesn't pay for. I'm actually scared that he'll either commit suicide, or get drunk as hell and do something horrible. No lie.
I have my own plethora of health problems, including mild depression and anxiety. I have to keep busy or I find myself thinking too much, and spiraling down. I don't know why I'm saying this, as I really haven't talked to anyone, including my wife, about it. Scary stuff.
My gardening, and love of nature, keeps me sane. Not my wife. Not my son. I love both of them very much, but they mostly just add to the stress.
Why did I type all this out? To show some solidarity, I think. To say I understand. I agree withYodes that you seem to be a stand up guy, and find your helping your Dad admirable.
I guess I would suggest you find your "escape". The water basin in the middle of the desert. Is it the lifting? Is it your work? Doesn't really sound like it. Heck, maybe it's video games. There has to be something that allows you to override the nasty thoughts. Grow some veggies, man! You'd be surprised how satisfying it is.