Am in my final 2 weeks before my 1st semester ends. Have a big decisive exam wednesday, barely studied, I am completely out of motivation. Im officially on fuck this shit mode.
Already have the following subjects done even if I score 0 in my next exams: Algebra, Calculus and Discrete Mathmatics.. Im still on the chopping block as far as Programming and Computer Arquitechtures go. Computer science wasnt my first choice but unfortunately I didnt make it into Bioengineering.. I had an average of 17,7 out of 20 and like the minimum average of admission this year was 17,9 give or take. I have been slogging through the semester, doing the bare minimum, studying the day before exams(it worked fine for the more math oriented subjects but things like programming and computer architecture that I had no previously knowledge of have been hard with this "strategy", I should be studying atleast a week before the exams). I try to avoid doing that but I end up spending all day "staring at a wall" without doing nothing productive, I keep telling myself im gonna start studying now but then I end up wasting all day doing useless shit on the internet, atleast I feel accomplished when I play games but I cant even do that when I am in this self loathing state, I wish I was playing games instead of being in this state "I need to study but I will actually just spend all day thinking about starting to study but actually not do it", I just literally waste my time on the internet watching and listening to useless shit. It's very frustrating and it makes me feel like shit.
It's not that I completely dont like Computer Science, in fact in the miserable state that the economy is in, it's basically my only way out of having a comfortable life at this point, and I like the subject matter in general. I know I can do it if I put some effort into it but I cant seem to bring myself to do even that. Then I start thinking about other people that dont even have money to study beyond High school and here I am with these ungrateful retarded problems. I was always good at everything as far as academic subjects go(except portuguese literature which I despise for the most part) but I never really had a calling or a big inclination(perhaps something biology related but that's fucking gone now) so I am left in this state of limbo. If I get through this I am going to try and pursue game development or just software engineering with the theoritical future leet programming skills I will learn. There is nothing anyone can say to help me, I know that, all I can do is put my shit together but even so here I am writing this pathetic post and making a fool out of myself.
Edit; For clarification, I dont consider browsing through RPGFan to be in that useless internet shenanigans category. I love posting here.
