Author Topic: Whats the haps?

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Starmongoose

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Re: Whats the haps?
« Reply #20250 on: April 25, 2018, 11:10:00 PM »
I relate with the being good at hiding the problem so well no one really takes you seriously when you say how bad it is.

I'm glad you're getting help and got a diagnosis. :) Anxiety is one of those life crippling things that wreck your body and mind both, yet no one really takes seriously.

Go, Ironmage! <3


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Arvis

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Re: Whats the haps?
« Reply #20251 on: April 26, 2018, 08:42:17 AM »
You can do it, @ironmage !
"You know, you're pretty cool too, Arvis.  You like good music, good games, and good tennis." - Divingfalcons

Dincrest

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Re: Whats the haps?
« Reply #20252 on: April 28, 2018, 08:20:39 PM »
+1 on the encouragement.  Just be careful not to fall into the trap of "I feel just fine, I don't need meds any more" because it's the meds that are mimicking neurotransmitters in your brain to make you feel normal, and that feeling of normalcy is subtle.  And utilize the psychological help and trust the process.  They're there for you so let those hourlong therapy sessions be all about you.  Reflexively, many of us are wired to resist because we don't want to be one of "those" people who go to therapy. 

Psychological/mental health is no joke and I'm glad that progress is being made to have it not be a stigma.  We take sick days and medicine when we have the flu, yet we don't when our minds are sick?  You can't just "snap out of it" when it comes to anxiety or depression.  It's a legit illness and should be treated as one. 

As for my haps, I thought that over the last 10 years or so I had come to grips with getting older and prepared for the eventual existential crises that come with it; but now that I'm on the doorstep of 40 (I turn 40 on May 8), a different sort of existential crisis has presented itself and I'm working out how to best deal with it in a positive manner.  Instead of reflexively resisting, utilize the Bruce Lee wisdom of water becoming the cup and teapot.  Instead of seeing the crisis as a liability, how can I turn that into an advantage? 
"If marriage were a woman's grave, as the proverb claimed, sixteen year-old Kaiya suspected the emperor was arranging her funeral." 
     -The beginning of Songs of Insurrection by J.C. Kang

Frostillicus

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Re: Whats the haps?
« Reply #20253 on: April 30, 2018, 10:21:02 AM »
^ I'm not too far behind you, 'Crest. I'll be 38 in a few months, and my wife will be 40 next February. I'm already noticeably older than most of the staff at my son's school, and I feel way out of touch with what's popular these days (a lot of it seems to be vacuous dreck, anyway). Aging is bullshit.
While I can't answer your eternal question, I personally just keep trying to live in the moment, or at least day by day. I have to push out all the "I feel or wonder if I'm getting too old for -blank-" thoughts, as that exact mentality leads to quicker aging.

Also, best of luck @ironmage . Hope things continue to improve.
I also have my own share of anxieties, coupled with sensory issues. Isn't the human brain fun?
"Movies are better than people. You don't have to smell who you're watching." ~ Baby Cakes

Tomara

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Re: Whats the haps?
« Reply #20254 on: April 30, 2018, 04:48:10 PM »
What I've learned the past few years is that young/old is just a matter of context. Like, when its comes to anime conventions and such, I'm definitely one of the veterans in the crowd. I'm at this point now where am chaperoning younger the fans in the family. Kinda feels like I've been upgraded from regular game hero to a parental-feels game hero (but all the zombies are just people in costumes). Or, if I don't have one of them with me - that token older party member that's actually still in their thirties.

But at the guild I'm the youngest of the active archers. The other active ones are mostly age 40-55. Our part of the building has a little bar and we spend half of the practice evening there talking. One of my favourite drinking buddies (well, I can't hold my liquor, so the others do most of the drinking) is a pig farmer who is in his 60s. Drinking with middle aged men is a big part of my social life nowadays for some reason.

And then there's all the times people get my age severely wrong. The last time I was carded, I was almost 30. Or, how about this one: a couple of weeks ago one of those Microsoft scammers called me. I figured I should waste their time for bit to protect the less computer savvy. So I spin this whole tale about having multiple computers and since mr. scammer says they're all infected, I insist on started on the oldest one. We'll just have to wait a minute or two for it to boot. Also, the keyboard is so old, there's no Windows button on it, sorry for messing up that script. I kept bullshitting for a while and eventually he's like: "Ma'am, I have to ask you. Are you 18 or older?" I answer truthfully - the only time I was honest in the entire conversation. And the scammer is like: "Miss, this isn't going to work. I can't help you if you're under 18."

Anyway, I'm basically a 'technically an adult' who wears children's clothes and has a bunch of middle-aged drinking buddies. That worries me more than my actual age.

I hit a rough patch a few months back.  The whole depression/anxiety thing compounded with work-related stress started to have significant physical side effects, and although desperation isn't in my repertoire, the situation became a bit much to deal with.

I ended up asking for help throwing myself on the mercy of the system.  I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, with some OCD on the side.

I don't think any of the personnel involved understood exactly how bad it was--I'm really good at concealing my internal state--but I guess that doesn't matter.  I got myself a prescription for happy pills and a few sessions with a psychologist, and I'm feeling better.  Better than I have in years.

Now just because I've had a couple good weeks doesn't mean I'm out of the quicksand.  But y'know?  I think this might turn out okay.


From my experience, just having your problems acknowledged and having some sort of plan for dealing with them removes a lot of pressure, because then you can actually get somewhere. However, making that step is weirdly enough the hardest part. So, yay for you! I hope you'll see more improvements soon.

Quote
On the downside, the meditation exercises haven't given me any superpowers yet.

I'm terrible at meditation. I can do the whole 'emptying the mind' part (and there are EEGs to prove it), but after that all the 'not calm' comes crashing down again. Fortunately, I've found some 'reset buttons' that work a lot better for me, like a few games of fast-paced Tetris or a hot shower. So, uh, don't worry if typical meditation fails at more than just superpower-distribution. There are other methods to achieve an atleast similar effect.

Dincrest

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Re: Whats the haps?
« Reply #20255 on: April 30, 2018, 06:09:16 PM »
Tomara- it's similar to me and my bicycling club.  I'm somehow the "kid brother" in my club, where most of the folks are older than me.  I look up to them big time, though.  I want to be like them when I'm in my 60s- riding 50, 75, even 100+ miles a week.  Still, I'm playing bass on the musical project of this one dude in my club who's becoming one of my best friends (he's 50 but looks like he's 35.)  We both feel too old to do the late night gigging/touring thing, but we still want to play and make music, hence this studio project.  And one of my younger friends (who's 25) actually asked me if I wanted to play bass in his new punk/hardcore band.  I was in a pretty raucous punk band, but my current project is taking more of my effort. 

Still, a part of me wants to feel that thrill of playing live again.  I always loved performing live and haven't played a live show since 2015.  But I don't want to be that old guy on stage.  I don't want people looking at me like, "Yo, this 40-something fogey needs to grow his ass up and forget the rock star dream.  He's not 20 any more.  That ship has sailed."  I feel like the only time it's acceptable to be an oldhead performer is if you're already famous.  Plus, people my age have adult responsibilities, so there's no way they're coming out to shows the way high school and college age folks do.  I've seen local bands of dudes in their 50s and though they're killer musicians (since they're been playing their instruments longer than some of us have been alive), it's almost sad to watch.  It's like, "Guys, give up the dream.  You're not famous, you'll never be famous because record companies ain't signing oldhead bands, and you just look like pathetic desperate anachronisms trying to recapture your lost youth." 

Sometimes I wonder if I'm outgrowing video games.  Instead of playing games, I'd rather enjoy a good book or graphic novel.  And since there is an archery/gun range near my house, I'm interested in trying out archery.  I enjoyed it in middle school PE class and it was one of the few sporty things I didn't completely suck at.  It's like, my tastes are growing up.  I'm maturing, but not growing old.  I don't need to be young and hip.  I earned my veneration.  But I don't want to retreat back into rose colored nostalgia of the "good ol' days."  I don't want to be that guy who only listens to the music he grew up with.  I still want to check out new, interesting, underground, obscure bands (like Cyborg Octopus.) 

I guess, philosophically speaking, I want to remain current but in my own way.  The biggest fear when getting older is getting left behind. 
« Last Edit: April 30, 2018, 06:19:27 PM by Dincrest »
"If marriage were a woman's grave, as the proverb claimed, sixteen year-old Kaiya suspected the emperor was arranging her funeral." 
     -The beginning of Songs of Insurrection by J.C. Kang

Starmongoose

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Re: Whats the haps?
« Reply #20256 on: April 30, 2018, 06:47:35 PM »
Not everything had to do with fame though, right Neal? It sounds a little judgemental to think those guys creating art and putting passion into their music and craft on stage are pathetic just because it's unlikely they are going to be famous.


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ironmage

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Re: Whats the haps?
« Reply #20257 on: April 30, 2018, 09:32:03 PM »
Thanks for your encouragement, everyone.

Just be careful not to fall into the trap of "I feel just fine, I don't need meds any more" because it's the meds that are mimicking neurotransmitters in your brain to make you feel normal, and that feeling of normalcy is subtle. 
Absolutely not.  It took three months and two dosage increases before this stuff started to work, I'm not going to mess with it.  I've been dealing with this most of my life (I'm ~39.5), so my standard for "normal" is rather skewed, anyway.

Quote
Psychological/mental health is no joke and I'm glad that progress is being made to have it not be a stigma.  We take sick days and medicine when we have the flu, yet we don't when our minds are sick?  You can't just "snap out of it" when it comes to anxiety or depression.
Part of me still thinks that if I was just a bit stronger I could have fought my way clear on my own.  But the fact is, I'd have to be waaay stronger.  Like, bench-pressing 1200 lbs stronger.  But when someone needs to lift 1200 lbs in real life, they're probably not embarrassed to use a forklift.

Quote
Instead of reflexively resisting, utilize the Bruce Lee wisdom of water becoming the cup and teapot.  Instead of seeing the crisis as a liability, how can I turn that into an advantage?
True, but keep your options open.  If the crisis comes at you with a broken bottle, sometimes you just gotta knock it down and stomp on it.

I also have my own share of anxieties, coupled with sensory issues. Isn't the human brain fun?
My brain knows when I have work that day, and wakes me up well before the alarm goes off.  I'd give good money to shut that feature off.  I need that sleep, dammit!  Quit trying to be helpful, brain!

From my experience, just having your problems acknowledged and having some sort of plan for dealing with them removes a lot of pressure, because then you can actually get somewhere.
Simply doing something helps me a lot.  I don't know if the coping techniques I learned from the psychologist are directly effective, but having something to do when my nerves start to take over at least makes me feel like I have some control over the situation.

Quote
I'm terrible at meditation. I can do the whole 'emptying the mind' part (and there are EEGs to prove it), but after that all the 'not calm' comes crashing down again. Fortunately, I've found some 'reset buttons' that work a lot better for me, like a few games of fast-paced Tetris or a hot shower. So, uh, don't worry if typical meditation fails at more than just superpower-distribution. There are other methods to achieve an atleast similar effect.
I'm not very good at clearing my mind (my inner monologue practically never shuts up), but the relaxation effect seems to persist for a little while, anyway.  I've also had some success with focussing on the sounds around me, even if it's only the sound of my own footsteps.

Haps:  I'm going to try starting tomatoes from seed this year.

Frostillicus

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Re: Whats the haps?
« Reply #20258 on: May 01, 2018, 09:05:20 AM »
Not everything had to do with fame though, right Neal? It sounds a little judgemental to think those guys creating art and putting passion into their music and craft on stage are pathetic just because it's unlikely they are going to be famous.

Yeah, that honestly didn't sound like you, 'Crest.
Gotta do what you love and feel passionate about. Age and others' opinions be damned.
My wife will tell me stories about people in their 60s and 70s tearing up the dance floors at the night clubs she goes to with her girlfriends. I think that's just great.


Simply doing something helps me a lot.  I don't know if the coping techniques I learned from the psychologist are directly effective, but having something to do when my nerves start to take over at least makes me feel like I have some control over the situation.

Indeed. Roughly 10 years ago, when my anxieties were getting really bad, and I could feel panic attacks coming, I'd go outside and just run my ass off. Almost always helped.
"Movies are better than people. You don't have to smell who you're watching." ~ Baby Cakes

Arvis

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Re: Whats the haps?
« Reply #20259 on: May 01, 2018, 09:21:59 AM »
I think the important thing to take note of here with all this is that tomatoes are actually a huge pain to grow.
"You know, you're pretty cool too, Arvis.  You like good music, good games, and good tennis." - Divingfalcons

Frostillicus

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Re: Whats the haps?
« Reply #20260 on: May 01, 2018, 01:05:43 PM »
I think the important thing to take note of here with all this is that tomatoes are actually a huge pain to grow.

Indeed they are. I gave up after trying a few seasons. Much less stressful to simply go buy 'em.
"Movies are better than people. You don't have to smell who you're watching." ~ Baby Cakes

Dincrest

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Re: Whats the haps?
« Reply #20261 on: May 01, 2018, 08:55:15 PM »
Not everything had to do with fame though, right Neal? It sounds a little judgemental to think those guys creating art and putting passion into their music and craft on stage are pathetic just because it's unlikely they are going to be famous.

Yeah, that honestly didn't sound like you, 'Crest.
Gotta do what you love and feel passionate about. Age and others' opinions be damned.
My wife will tell me stories about people in their 60s and 70s tearing up the dance floors at the night clubs she goes to with her girlfriends. I think that's just great.


Guess my time in gigging bands (especially Pool of Thorns) left me jaded, but that is how I felt during gigs when I saw some of those "midlife crisis/dad bands" on stage trying to be cool/look cool and just coming off like a bunch of man-children still stuck in 1987.  Also, no one was there to see them (because everyone they know is adulting and can't come out to shows), people at the show didn't care to see them (since they were mostly folks in their 20s who wanted to see cool bands with people their age and not "dad bands"), and I don't know... it just felt like I was watching a plant wilting.  Perhaps, objectively speaking, that's "wrong" but that is how I gut-felt. 

Maybe I'm turning into that very thing I despise and becoming a grumpy old man. 

This thing is hilarious: http://www.metalsucks.net/2011/03/03/being-in-a-band-is-for-losers-scientific-proof/
« Last Edit: May 01, 2018, 09:08:35 PM by Dincrest »
"If marriage were a woman's grave, as the proverb claimed, sixteen year-old Kaiya suspected the emperor was arranging her funeral." 
     -The beginning of Songs of Insurrection by J.C. Kang

Arvis

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Re: Whats the haps?
« Reply #20262 on: May 02, 2018, 08:46:26 AM »
Most grumpy old men were once young and cool.
"You know, you're pretty cool too, Arvis.  You like good music, good games, and good tennis." - Divingfalcons

Frostillicus

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Re: Whats the haps?
« Reply #20263 on: May 02, 2018, 08:59:19 AM »
Guess my time in gigging bands (especially Pool of Thorns) left me jaded, but that is how I felt during gigs when I saw some of those "midlife crisis/dad bands" on stage trying to be cool/look cool and just coming off like a bunch of man-children still stuck in 1987.  Also, no one was there to see them (because everyone they know is adulting and can't come out to shows), people at the show didn't care to see them (since they were mostly folks in their 20s who wanted to see cool bands with people their age and not "dad bands"), and I don't know... it just felt like I was watching a plant wilting.  Perhaps, objectively speaking, that's "wrong" but that is how I gut-felt. 

As obvious as it is, I think a lot of it has to do with the music they are playing, and the energy involved.
I get the negative stigma you're describing. In my experience at music festivals and such, most middle-aged dad bands barely move around while playing that easy listening rock, and yes, that just adds to the whole old guy on stage persona. It is indeed draining.
Now, if they were to bust out something a little edgier, or funkier, or even just faster, that would be great. I've seen some bands with nearly-geriatric dudes who looked and sounded great, because they still had the drive, the energy.
"Movies are better than people. You don't have to smell who you're watching." ~ Baby Cakes

Dincrest

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Re: Whats the haps?
« Reply #20264 on: May 02, 2018, 05:43:14 PM »
I can definitely dig that, @Frostillicus .  It's still crazy to think that Mick Jagger is in his 70s and still has that swagger on stage, though him doing those "sexy" moves like he did at age 20 look somewhat creepy now.  And like I said before, I look up to the 60-70 year olds in my bicycle club who ride 50, 100 or more miles a week and I want to be them when I grow up. 

Even young bands can be painful to watch and listen to if it feels like they just started the band because they were bored and it seemed like something fun to do and maybe meet girls.  You can definitely tell based on that intangible "vibe" whether a band is in it for the right reasons.  Being in a band is actual work, believe it or not.

Grampa Simpson's wisdom: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGrfhsxxmdE
« Last Edit: May 02, 2018, 06:22:59 PM by Dincrest »
"If marriage were a woman's grave, as the proverb claimed, sixteen year-old Kaiya suspected the emperor was arranging her funeral." 
     -The beginning of Songs of Insurrection by J.C. Kang