Favorite Mixed Drinks:
1. The Nantucket Fuckit - Buy a bottle of Nantucket Nectar brand Mango Lemonade. Promptly chuck it at some poor bastard.
2. Gray Goose and Vodka - Just order this at a restaurant sometime, it's awesome.
3. A Really Terrible Arnold Palmer - Half yerba mate, half minute maid.
4. The Fuuuuuuuuck - Half yerba mate, half coffee. Don't sweeten it or otherwise adulterate.
5. The Goddammit - Orange juice and tonic water. Crush in mint and fresh Altoids.
6. The I Actually Used To Do This Because My Parents Never Kept Real Juice In the House - Find a bottle of margarita mix. Drink it.
7. ??? - You know that bottle of soda with the label missing? That you've had for like two years now? Drink it.
8. Amaretto Sour
9. Bloody Shirley Temple - Olive brine and maraschino cherry syrup.
10. The More Stupid Shit I Drank Because I Ran Out Of Real Juice - Olive brine.
11. The My God I Was A Retard in College - Dissolve salmiak in coffee. Drink it.
12. Oh Shit The Tornado Sirens Are Going Off and It's Finals Week, Let's Mix Kefir and Sierra Mist - Mix kefir and sierra mist.
13. The McRedundant - Go to Wendy's. Order a baked potato, french fries, and a bag of baked lays. Mix ketchup into the baked potato as well as sour cream. Dip fries into the baked potato. Sandwich fries between lays.
Drink it. Eat it.