Some writing

[Azrael]

These are first drafts of 2 short storiesI've written. I've been working on putting together a collection but that will take some time and I'm hoping to submit some stuff to some lit mags and journals and am trying to get some feedback from people anywhere I can get, even if it amounts to nothing more than, "It's a pile of shit." Like I said, they are first drafts and I know they are rife with errors I just need to get a bit more space between them before I can properly edit. Anyway, if anyone's willing to read them, here they are. They're both 19 double-spaced pages.

Here and Now:
https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B6NmzAiIOF-3YmFiYzY1NTQtNTZmYy00M2FjLTlmYmQtODhkNDk0Zjk2Y2Nj&hl=en&authkey=CJfiuP0H

Smile:
https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B6NmzAiIOF-3ZjIxZDc2MTktNmIyMi00MTkzLWIyYTItOTM5OTI0OGI2ZTll&authkey=CMzhhdAN&hl=en

[darcthelad]

I read some the first one then noticed how long it's been since you posted these. Do you have more recent drafts of them?

[Azrael]

Oh shit...a response.

Yeah, sort of, but these are stories I haven't touched in a long time. Honestly I haven't done much writing in a long time now. Maybe 2 months or so.

Here and Now:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LmC0GXWOtVb82jrVz0EZ6-VmPNn7g5goJU4ZzH31hZI/edit?hl=en_US

Smile:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UN2MhjO2s7P2VqvEA7J5ELVWbbwWjeIrLgNvS5L3cIc/edit?hl=en_US

[darcthelad]

Smile (New) is compelling. There were a few parts where the prose got a little funky, but for the most part it's a very smooth read. The end was suspenseful, too, which can be difficult to do with just the written word.

My only suggestion is to get to Ryan's story about Sandra faster. Perhaps, make him only get tackled by police twice before that (and say this was a common occurance), so the last time is the third time the reader knows of - things seem stronger when they come in threes.

I certainly enjoyed it though. :)

(My computer messed both times I tried to open Here and Now New.)

So what happened with the mags and journals?

[Azrael]

I appreciate the reads. These are both stories I'd like to come back to and really work on. There are problems I have with Smile and I can't always seem to find the right way to word things without it getting garbled up. As for the pacing, I'd have to play around with it. I tend to like things a bit slower. But it is something I've thought about altering as well.

Maybe this link would work if you're interested in reading. I kind of like how this turned out a little more than Smile, but it's different.

https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B6NmzAiIOF-3MTFhNmU0MDQtZDU2NS00ZjJhLTkzNjctOWZjZjRlMDhiZWNk&hl=en_US

As for the journals, nothing came of it. I expected that though, so that's whatever. I have plenty of other plans and writings and notes lying all over the place for projects I want to work on, but as I said, it's been quite some time since I've done real writing.A lot of other stuff is kind of in the way, but it's something I certainly intend to return to.

[darcthelad]

Sorry it's been a while. I haven't forgotten though. I intend to read this soon. :)