Final Fantasy, Wild ARMs, The Rock, and the RPGFan staff.  You can't beat that.
By John McCarroll [ 11-04-03 ]
Chapter: Prologue


He stood at the edge of the darkened ring, his head hung low. He was the greatest warrior in the world, the defeater of the Jenova-spawn Sephiroth, and he couldn’t keep the WWE Championship for more than two weeks. He was defeated by Hunter Hurst Helmsley, the man known as “HHH” and “The Game” at Backlash in under five minutes. He didn’t know how he got here in the first place. After his defeat of Sephiroth and escape in the Highwind, he appeared in a dumpster next to an erotic cake store and an asian massage parlor. As he entered the erotic cake store, he encountered a very large, burly man. He introduced himself as “The Big Show” and invited Cloud to what he called the “WWE”.

Although he was welcomed in this new world, he still wondered what happened to his fellows. Tifa, his love, was nowhere to be found. The same applied to Barret, and even that scruffy dog, Nanaki. Who knew that he’d soon be seeing all of his friends, but that some would now be enemies?

The Beginning

John McCarroll shrugged and looked around the RPGFan offices. It’d been several years since he joined on as a volunteer at the site, and now they were a full-fledged phenomenon. A print magazine with subscriptions in the millions, and a web site that got more hits than Google. Life was nice at RPGFan, and everything was going fine, until one fateful day. THQ was releasing an RPG based on the WWE franchise, and John and Daniel Stringer, the old Fan Fiction editor, were heading to meet some of the staff. The staff had met at Wrestlemania 23, set at the Superdome. As the two writers walked in the backstage area, Daniel and John both fell to the ground, their heads bleeding openly, as Cloud and Barret stood over them, steel chairs dripping with blood.

John rolled over to see Cloud, his overly large head and spiky hair staring down at him. “This is what happens when you give FF7-5 a bad review, you whore!” Cloud kicked John repeatedly in the side, and he spat blood onto the concrete floor. Cloud stared down at the fallen Editors, but was taken aback as they started to lift themselves from the ground, glaring him down, his cohort mysteriously gone.

“You know,” groaned Daniel, “You shouldn’t fight people who have friends in high places...” Cloud turned around to see a garbage can lid strike against his oddly distended cranium. Hironobu Sakaguchi stood there, grasping the now-mangled lid with a grin on his face. Sakaguchi turned his grin into a grimace and mumbled, “You know, I never should’ve gone past FF7: Advent Children. Now do you see what he’s become? Ever since the merger of Square-Enix-Atlus-MTV with THQ-WWE-Sony, he’s been crazier than Jack and Rudy, the poor souls.”

John nodded thoughtfully. He’d met Rudy and Jack when they were the first characters to appear in real life after the plane shift of 2004. They were completely shocked by entering real life from the video game world that they went on a murderous rampage, killing Lara Croft and Pitfall Harry, amongst others. “It’s sad what our creations have become, and that they have turned against us,” said Sakaguchi, “but we must be ever vigilant, for they are now a part of our world. At least we were able to defeat Dark Force early. Had he manifested more, our world would’ve been doomed.”

John and Daniel turned to see Umaro and Torrie Wilson walk toward them. Umaro licked the blood off of John’s face before they began to grope each other in the halls of the Superdome. “Umaro, how I love you,” said John.

“UROOOORAAAORORW”, crooned back Umaro. Although extraordinarily hairy and a Yeti, John had grown to love him, ever since he had eaten Relm. “Uh, can they not do that?” Torrie asked Daniel as she stretched her hands around his neck, “It freaks me out. I mean, is Umaro even a girl?”

“Does it even matter?”, yelled a familiar voice. Everyone present turned to see Rikku, the bubbly, 15-year old girl from Final Fantasy X, walking toward them. “They’re in love, so let them be. At least one of them is good looking,” she said and she made a kissy face at Umaro.

Everyone began to walk toward the center of the arena. It had begun, all of it. Those who had existed only in the digital world now were flesh and blood. The world belonged to the WWE, especially most of the newly ‘real’ characters. Yet, someone was still missing.

Sitting in the Starbucks tower in downtown Seattle, the right-hand-man of Emperor Gehstal stood, looking over the city. “I own you now,” muttered Kefka, “Beware, RPGFan! I have Cloud, and soon, I will have you...”

Chapter: Prologue


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Sunday, December 16th
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Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance w/Kyle • 3pm PDT/6pm EDT
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