* Credits and Disclaimers *

Written by Paul Beaudoin

Based (loosely) on characters from Star Ocean: The Second Story, © 1999 SCEA/Enix/tri-Ace or whatever

This story is a work of parody. In no way is it meant to steal the intellectual property of the makers of the game, or any other related licenses. Copyrighted material is intended for the use of humor, and nothing more. All characters and places not of the author's devising are copyrighted to their original creators. All characters, places, events, and situations are used as fiction. Any resemblances to real people, places, or events are purely coincidental (except, of course, for my buddies at the C.O.E.G, you guys rock)

Song lyrics taken from Slayer's I Hate You.

Cast

Claude C. Kenni - Himself
Rena Lanford-Kenni - Herself
Chisato Madison - Herself
Noel Chandler - Himself
Indalecio - Himself
Cyril - Himself
Vesper - Himself
Decus - Himself
Ruprecht - Himself
Nicolus - Himself
Jibril - Himself
Marsilio - Himself
Berle - Himself
Shigeo - HIMSELF
Filia - Herself
Mayor Narl - Himself
The Secretary - Mrs. Roboto
The Twins - Themselves
Orin Facet/Tria, god of Creation - Himself
Tank Sherman - Joe Mantegna
Mirage - Herself
Guttersnipe
Lead Singer/Guitar - Gary Puchini
Guitar - Clifford Williams
Bass - Brendan Yost
Drums - Marcus Ashling
Ketta
Lead Singer - Susan Haspels
Guitar - Ashley Teigen
Bass - Sally Zehnderson
Drums - Rachel Reed
Sledgehammer Conspiracy
Lead Singer/Bass - Cole Ellick
Guitar - Seth Ronaldson
Drums - Mitchell Stad
T - Himself
Sixy - Herself
Pchan - Himself
Tigger - Himself
Iggy - Himself
The various crowds throughout the story - A bunch of extras who appeared for a brief moment in hopes of fame, recognition, and a free lunch.

Soundtrack (other than properly credited within the story)

Lollipop Suicide
Performed by Ketta

Schoolgirls from Hell
Performed by Ketta

Buying a One-Way Ticket to Hell With Your Lives
Performed by Lantis

Bug-Filled Defective Fool
Performed by Lantis

Wind of Hatred
Performed by Lantis

Thumb in Your Windpipe
Peformed by Sledgehammer Conspiracy

Hammer and Scythe
Performed by Sledgehammer Conspiracy

The Apocalypse Already Happened
Performed by Sledgehammer Conspiracy

DOES NOT COMPUTE
Performed by Clingshrimp

Time of Truth
Performed by Clingshrimp

Genetics
Performed by Clingshrimp

MELON MELON MELON
Performed by The C.O.E.G.

This Song Is Gae (With LAAAAAAME Overtones)
Performed by The C.O.E.G.

The Injuries Song
Performed by The C.O.E.G.

Soundtrack not available from any major label

Special thanks to:

Pchan, cybersix, and all the rest of the gang at http://coeg.koingosw.com (The Circle of Enlightened Gamers), for their constant support and enthusiasm for my writing. Except for NZ, that is.

All my fans at www.fanfiction.net, who've showed the same kind of enthusiasm.

No animals were harmed as a direct result of the writing of this fanfic. I did run a cat over with my car, and my neighbor's dog got sick, but they were entirely coincidental circumstances.

This has been a production from Paul Beaudoin fanfiction. Thank you, and good night.