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Hmph, Dragon Ball Z: Kakarot is Coming to Switch

Vegeta, left for dead in Dragon Ball Z: Kakarot.

Raise your hand if you didn’t see this coming — Dragon Ball Z: Kakarot is coming to the Nintendo Switch on September 24th.

Now, keep your hand raised so that I know who among you is loyal. If you haven’t previously pondered the likelihood of the misadventures of that audacious buffoon tainting Nintendo’s hybrid hardware, it is undoubtedly because you’ve been busy training under me, Vegeta, the Prince of All Saiyans. Heh. I may have use for you in the days to come.

I don’t care that Kakarot gets another free ride on his stupid Flying Nimbus, and neither should you. The final insult is that I, Vegeta, Prince of All Saiyans have somehow been tricked into reporting on this non-starter of an announcement for the perverse pleasure of whomever trapped me in the role of a video games journalist.

Let me be absolutely clear. It wouldn’t bother me that Dragon Ball Z: Kakarot, complete with both of the “Boss Battle” DLC episodes, is coming to Switch if the trailer did a finer job of paying proper respect to my superiority. Do you know what it means that among the four sagas Kakarot covers, mine is listed first? Oh, sure, I can hear you now. “It’s because the Saiyan saga occurred before the Frieza, Cell, and Buu sagas.” Clean your ears out and listen. It is as if the announcer gets my name drop out of the way as quickly as possible so that he can fixate on less important things. Why, you wouldn’t even know I’m playable if you hadn’t already been given the gospel truth.

Vegeta and Bulma's father in Dragon Ball Z: Kakarot.

It isn’t all a waste of time. Indeed, even now, my son, the indomitable Trunks – indomitable except when he loses to me, Vegeta, Prince of All Saiyans, of course — has his own special DLC episode entitled “Trunks: The Warrior of Hope.” It released five days ago on PS4, Xbox One, and PC platforms. Go play that instead of slobbering over Kakarot yet again attempting to upstage me with another console launch.

The fools whose coffers are overflowing with your coinage have yet to announce a real game, such as Dragon Ball Z: Vegeta, Prince of All Saiyans. I don’t need to train to prove my mettle as a worthy spinoff contender, heh, not that Kakarot’s game wouldn’t be the spinoff from my glory. But I will train nevertheless, all the sooner to wipe that smug look from Kakarot’s stupid face.

Vegeta's declaration in Dragon Ball Z: Kakarot.
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